Hello Elissa Rabin, my name is Jonathon Neessen. I am 16 years old and i live in Indianola. I am in the Des moines school district to take part of the Central Campus and Central Academy programs. I carpool with my dad most days as he works for the state in Des Moines. I can be voracious reader, and i have interests in video games, martial arts, and the sciences. I am quite strong in the “meat” of writing, with ideas, information, and connections. I am quite bad, however, at being able to communicate my ideas, which is the structure of writing. I am quite bad at the format, which includes advanced punctuation, grammar, spelling, and form. My biggest challenge with writing i’ve struggled with is the pre-mentioned structure, expanding or contracting my ideas to fit a preordained size, and being able to come up with a well structured piece of writing quickly.
Hi Jonathon,
It’s so great to hear from you! I cannot tell you how excited I am to work with you this semester. I am a sophomore at Drake and I am studying Secondary Education and English (I want to be a High School English teacher!). I’m from Naperville, a suburb of Chicago and have a younger sister (she’s a senior in high school). At Drake I spend my time writing for our student magazine, and I am also a part of a social sorority. I also work three days per week nannying for three kids, which I love, and I volunteer one day per week with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I love to travel, read, sing, and scrapbook. Over winter break, I had the opportunity to go to Israel, which was an incredible experience, and I’m hoping to travel a lot more in the future!
I have always felt fairly confident in writing. I enjoy putting sentences together, and trying out new words. Some people really understand math and love to solve equations. I really understand English and love to read and write. Grammar is something that comes relatively naturally to me (although I definitely still make mistakes). When I first came to Drake, I was actually a journalism major, but I switched to Education because I felt so much more passionate about it. I definitely know what you mean when you say that you have trouble with writing to fit a pre-determined size or number of words. I think it can be really difficult when a teacher tells you that you have to have a certain number of words in a paper—especially if you don’t have that much to say on that topic! Sometimes it is also definitely hard to figure out what structure is going to make your writing the most effective, but when it all comes together, it works out really well. I sometimes struggle with getting my ideas on the page. When I’m writing an essay, I often waiting for some big moment of inspiration where I’ll just know what I want to write about. When that moment doesn’t come I really struggle to focus my thoughts and create a really concise, well-articulated paper. I think it’s great that you have that “ideas” part of writing down, as you mentioned. That can be really tough, but I think what truly makes a paper great is when the writer gives you something to really think about, and it sounds like you are already doing that!
I honestly cannot wait to meet you and start working with you! This is going to be a great semester!
Sincerely,
Elissa
Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Knowledge is power, this statement has echoed within me since I first heard it. It is one of the central themes of my life, to the point were it is one of the factors considered when I consider future actions. Throughout my life I increasingly started to enjoy reading, evolving to the point where my middle school library had very few books that still interested me. I, however, managed to develop other interests such as playing video games and reading manga. I continued to high school, doing well in advanced classes without having to work much, and using my free time to read fiction and use videogames. Feeling underwhelmed by chemistry and persuaded by my parents, I open enrolled in Central academy. Indianola’s school system did not support a tuition program, so I decided to enroll into the Des Moines school system, choosing Roosevelt as the home school.
Arriving at Central I was enthusiastic about receiving great lectures daily. My enthusiasm quickly turned into disappointments as one after the other teachers started doing less, and often told students to study and work at home. Marine biology, a two block, weighted, college credit class, managed to do even less than my comparative anatomy class! The days flowing by, I felt greater and greater strain on myself, I had never been required to do 80% of the work outside of my classes. Never having to do more than 50% of the work outside of the class, my prolonged work ethic skills, dulled by the uneventful summer, quickly faltered as I started spending all of my time on homework or avoiding it. Sinking deeper and deeper, I started to notice that most students were doing well and easily surpassing me, even though I was a year older than them. I however noticed those at Central Campus and Roosevelt that there were those much lower than me, even though they had the opportunity to access much advanced classes even earlier than I. Looking around and at my past actions, I realized that intelligence is not some inborn talent like society says. What is intelligence?
Jonathon,
Great job! I really enjoyed reading this, and hearing about your experience, even if it was one that was kind of frustrating for you! I also really like this topic--there is a lot to look at, and it's one that a lot of people can relate to.
You mention the phrase "Knowledge is power" and you say that it is a central theme in your life. I wonder how you could show this to be true? You show us that you like to read and learn, but why is knowledge powerful? Why was it important that you took that extra step and enrolled in Central Academy? After arriving at Central, you've started to struggle a little with your work--even questioning your own work ethic and talent as well as the concept of intelligence. Why was (or is) that struggle something that was important for you? Does it shape who you are or who you will be? I like that you come right out and ask the question "What is intelligence?"--It's something scientists have been theorizing about for years! I wonder if you can use your experiences to decide what intelligence is to you?
Overall, you did a great job! I really liked reading your reflection. You have a lot of good ideas and you did a good job of using some broad themes ("What is intelligence?") to tie your experiences together. Now I'd like to see you just answer some of the questions above to think about the impact that your experiences have on the ways that you think, and expand your writing to include that. I also really enjoyed meeting you the other day! Please let me know if you have any questions, or would like me to look at any later drafts, etc.!
Talk to you soon!
Elissa Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Jonathon Neessen Knowledge is power, yet knowledge is a dead thing.(Why do you say that? Why do you think that knowledge is dead? What evidence do you have and why is it significant?) Yet power(I'm not entirely sure why you are mentioning power here. Can you connect the ideas of "knowledge" and "power" here so that it is a little more clear?) is not a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waining, constantly shifting. Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge. Lloyd Humphreys, Leading intelligence physiologist and creator of the Humphreys effect (what is Humphrey's Effect?) , states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills (I'm not sure if you are quoting a source here or not, but I wonder if you could simplify this definition a little because the reader gets lost in all of those steps?).
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll (CHC) theory is one of the most well known and influential theories (Who was it created by?), created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory(what are these theories, what do they state, and who created them? Why are they important for your definition?), and is regularly updated. CHC (It took me a second to realize that this was Cattel-Horn-Carroll; it would be more clear if you wrote CHC in parentheses when you originally mention the theory, like I added-just a tip for the future!) states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading & writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed. These categories are interconnected with the interconnected categories of social, theoretical, physical, and self intelligence.
Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures.
Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures.
Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols.[6]
Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills.
Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.
Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking.
Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations.
Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions.
Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention. (“Cattell-Horn-Carroll theory.”) (I don't know what your teachers say about using Wikipedia, but I have generally been told to stay away from it in favor of sites that are a little more reliable. Also, I would be careful about copy-and-pasting directly from Wikipedia's site, even with the citation, especially because there are no quotations. I also think that since this is an essay, you could turn all of this into paragraph format to really explain it to your readers instead of just listing it)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships.Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers, and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person in which has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarialy use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists, mathematicians. physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand and the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs relate to this field, mechanist, athlete, doctor, pilot. An example of social and physical intelligence is an musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self intelligence is the ability to understand one’s self and to influence and control one’s self. Though not directly related to jobs, it is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control(how could this be related to a job?). Intelligence however is the broadest physiological idea, a fitting label to the thing that defines us with the rest of creation(I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to say here-are you saying that intelligence is what distinguishes humans from all other beings? I think that is an important and really interesting point, and I wonder if you could use it throughout your paper-i.e. maybe mentioning it in the beginning to give your paper a focus and show why you think intelligence is so important)
I think you did a really thorough job of investigating a definition of intelligence. It's a really broad topic that is hard to define. What I'm really missing here is your voice. I want to know why intelligence really matters, why it is so debated, why you believe knowledge is dead? Who does all of this information really matter for? Why does knowing the Cattle-Horn-Carroll theory matter? I'm glad that you mentioned which jobs benefit from which types of intelligence. I think including some more examples and anecdotes like that would really help this paper to develop. I also wonder how you think you could use some of the information you found (i.e. the list in the middle of the essay) and make it more accessable to your readers? Thanks for all of your hard work, and let me know if you have any questions while you're editing! I'm happy to help if I can! Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Jonathon Neessen The statement knowledge is power is often used as an example and its fame is not unearned. Countries and corporations spend billions of dollars each year in information gathering, finding information known about by other organizations. Even more powerful is the information that has to be found (Why is this information more powerful? What makes it different than information we know without searching?), the clearest example is the industrialization that allowed Europe to control the world for a century(I'm glad you're giving me more examples like I asked. How do you feel this connects to the idea that knowledge is more powerful when "it has to be found"? Are there any examples from your life that you feel would connect to this idea?). Knowledge cannot move, change shape, replicate, or move in its own. Knowledge can only exist through a medium, existing in people’s minds and records, utterly helpless(How does this connect to your ending idea that intelligence distinguishes humans from all other species?). Yet power is never a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waining, constantly shifting. Then how is it possible to have a direct relationship between knowledge and power? Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge.
What then is intelligence? Lloyd Humphreys, leading intelligence physiologist, states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills(This seems like a lot of steps. Can you make it easier for your reader to understand?). Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world around them in a measured way and to change interactions. This ability allows for constant interaction with a person’s knowledge, allowing for the changes in power over time.
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll theory (CHC) is one of the most well known and influential theories concerning the theory of intelegence, created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory, and is regularly updated. CHC states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading & writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed. These categories are interconnected with the subjects of social, theoretical, physical, self intelligence, and subconscious.
The CHC theory is a very complex list dealing with almost every aspect of the human mind that is contained within 9 sections. Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures. Gc is often mistaken for overall intelligence by most people, referring to the stereotype of the “quiet bookworm” Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures. Often “thinking on your feet” involves this. Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols.[6] Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills. Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.(remember Dory from Nemo) Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking. Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations. Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions. Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention. (“Cattell-Horn-Carrol theory.”) (I'm glad that you added some examples for the types of intelligences. I'm still wondering how you can put these terms into your own words? You are giving me a lot of information. Why is it important to you? How have you seen these examples of intelligence in your daily life? Have you struggled with any of them? I know you site Wikipedia here. Do you think there is a better source to use to find this information? Do you think there is a better way to state it so that you are not copying the information into your essay?)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships.Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers, and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person in which has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists, mathematicians. physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand and the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs relate to this field, mechanist, athlete, doctor, pilot. An example of social and physical intelligence is an musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self intelligence is the ability to understand one’s self and to influence and control one’s self. Playing a critical role in competition and high stakes jobs such as actors, atheliets, security agents. it is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control(Have you ever had any first hand experiences with any of these types of intelligences or struggled with them? Do you think everyone has the same intelligences or are all of our intelligences different? Why would that be important?).
The subconscious is an often ignored part of the overall intelligence as it does not directly affect our actions, yet it is our hardware. Medical news states that the unconscious brain can detect something shown for a mere 33 milliseconds, which is .033 seconds, while we consciously notice it at 200 milliseconds. Our unconscious brain is over 6 times as fast at recognising basic stimuli. The unconscious brain is most notorious for it’s influence in dreams and “deja vu.” stated in Unconscious Intelligence (This is really interesting-something I had never realized. How does it add to your overall definition of intelligence?).There are many diverse categories of Intelligence however is the broadest physiological idea, a fitting label to the thing that defines us with the rest of creation.
Jonathon- I can absolutely see a difference from your first draft to your second--you have done a lot of good work! As you continue to edit, try to think about which parts of intelligence are really the most important for your definition of intelligence. How can you make sure that all of that great information you give your readers is meaningful--not only for you but for them as well? I can see that you are giving more examples. I would love to see some examples from your life. How can you connect your definition of intelligence with the experiences you've had? Why does this idea of intelligence or this definition of intelligence matter for you? Where do your ideas about intelligence come from? Thank you for putting the list in your previous essay into a paragraph form. I'm wondering though if you can make sure that it is in your own words? I know you site Wikipedia, but it is not a direct quotation. How can you paraphrase the facts from your source so that they support your ideas instead of dominating them? Overall good work-I can tell that you are working really hard! As always, let me know how I can help you! Elissa
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Jonathon Neessen
Intelligence, a catalyst
The statement knowledge is power is often used as an example and its fame is not unearned. Countries and corporations spend billions of dollars each year on information gathering, finding information known about by other organizations. Even more powerful is the information that has to be found; the clearest example is the industrialization that allowed Europe to control the world for a century. Found knowledge is that which you cannot base off of or steal to gain it; a whole new field is needed to be explored (How is "found knowledge" developed? Who is in this field?). A strong example of found knowledge is the Manhattan Project, in which the atom bomb was developed(When was a time that you had to find knowledge?). Strength (strength of what or who?) does not just mean overall power, things found can have much stronger personal impact. It is one thing to know that homelessness is prevalent in all societies, than another to see a tree with cloth over the opening, or see a glimpse of a shack in the woods under the highway. Knowledge cannot move, change shape, replicate, or move on its own. Knowledge can only exist through a medium, existing in people’s minds and records, utterly helpless. Yet power is never a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waning, constantly shifting. Then how is it possible to have a direct relationship between knowledge and power? Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge. Then it is logical to have intelligence be the most researched and complex aspect of psychology, a fitting label to the thing that defines us from the rest of creation.
What then is intelligence? “(is this the start of the direct quote or is it after the word "states"? If so, you can move the opening quotations-thanks for adding that in, as well.)Lloyd Humphreys, leading intelligence physiologist, states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills”.(The in-text citation (Humphreys, 1979) would go after the end of the quote since it is a direct citation. In-text citations generally go at the end of the paragraph when you've used information from that source throughout the paragraph.) Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world around them in a measured way and to change interactions. This ability allows for constant interaction with a person’s knowledge, allowing for the changes in power over time. (Lubinski)(Humphreys, 1979)
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll Theory (CHC) is one of the most well-known and influential theories concerning the theory of intelligence. It was created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory, and is regularly updated. CHC states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading and writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed are the categories in CHC and will be explained further in the next paragraph. These categories are interconnected with the subjects of social, theoretical, physical, and self-intelligence. (“Catell-Horn-Carrol Theory”)
“The CHC theory is a very complex list dealing with almost every aspect of the human mind that is contained within 9 sections. Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures.” Gc is often mistaken for overall intelligence by most people, referring to the stereotype of the “quiet bookworm.” “Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures.” Often “thinking on your feet” involves this. “Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols. Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills.” Closely related to crystallized knowledge this plays a key role in developing fluid intelligence. This can play a key role, often labeling people and hiding their abilities. A classmate of mine often struggles with trigonometry,(is this part of the quote????<-- I'm not sure what you're referring to here?) yet she is fluent in 4 languages while I struggle with a second(GOOD! I'm so glad you're adding in some real-life application. Can you explore this scene a little more? What has this observation taught you about intelligence in general?). “Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.” A lack of this is usually found in characters use for comical effect, portraying them as quite stupid, while being very intelligent in other areas. “Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking. Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations. Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions. Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention.” (“Cattell-Horn-Carrol theory.”)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person who has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists and mathematicians. Physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs related to this field are mechanics, athletes, doctors and pilots. An example of social and physical intelligence is a musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self-intelligence is the ability to understand oneself and to influence and control oneself. Playing a critical role in competition and high stakes are jobs such as actors, athletes, and security agents. It is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control. Differences in intelligences stem from brain structure, environment, and aptitude for the different tasks.
Ultimately the direction an intelligence takes is ultimately up to the person themselves. Many argue that people are born to play certain roles, that they were born into certain fields. This, however, is not the case. People often derive enjoyment from what they excel in and this enjoyment encourages them to focus more and more attention on the areas they enjoy while gradually distancing themselves from areas in which they lack, forming specialists in their chosen areas. Trends such as this have often waylaid people who are not naturally good at activities they’re interested in, yet if continued they can grow and develop to be experts in those fields.
This information disproves the theory of static intelligence - those who believe that one’s intelligence is as set in stone as their gender. Static and fluid intelligences are not another form of classification but a person’s central belief about intelligence; whether it is a fixed trait like height or a skill that can grow or decline. Confusion between knowledge and intelligence is often fixed to this belief, but that is a topic for another paper.
The subconscious is an often ignored part of the overall intelligence as it does not directly affect our actions, yet it is our hardware. “Medical News” states that the unconscious brain can detect something shown for a mere 33 milliseconds, while we consciously notice it at 200 milliseconds. Our unconscious brain is over 6 times as fast at recognizing basic stimuli, therefore it plays a big role in initial observations and reactions, defining it as affecting input and responses, grouping it with intelligence. (Zipburn) The unconscious brain is most notorious for its influence in dreams and “deja vu.” Effects such as this expand on the potential individuals(adds to their ability? How?), silently connecting and cementing information, providing bursts of inspiration and genius(Have you ever experienced Deja vu? How was it shaped your understanding of intelligence? Has it impacted your understanding of your own intelligence? How?). (Benedict)
Intelligence is often described as a singular attribute, yet evidence has shown that that is not the case. Definitions by authorities and theories describe it as a complex and changing aspect of a person(What about your definitions? Have they been changed now that you've done the research?). Different groupings of the possible ways to use intelligence mesh with evidence that the subconscious can play an unsuspected role. Intelligence is not a singular attribute like eye or hair color, but a description of a significant portion of a person’s life.
Great Job, Jonathon. It is obvious that you've done a lot of editing and work on this, and you have done a really really great job. (Go back and look at your first draft and compare it to this one, just for your own reference to see what a difference editing and revision makes. It's not that your first paper was bad by any means, but sometimes thinking about new things can really change the way the paper looks-you've done a good job refining and clarifying your original ideas). Thanks for adding in more examples as well. Like we talked about, I would still like to see some more personal life examples--even take a paragraph to tell a story. Was there a time in your life when you encountered the idea of intelligence and it was different than what you originally thought it was? How has that idea changed for you (if it has)? I also still think you could add a bit more of your ideas backed by your research instead of the research backed by your ideas. Question number one: What do you think intelligence is? Question number two: What have others thought about intelligence, and how does that fit with your definition? Either way you have done a really thorough job of researching this topic so great job. Let me know as always about questions! Elissa Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
My purpose of writing was to be able to emphasize my ideas on intelligence and compare them to societies definition. My intended audience was those who were questioning how intelligent they were, i adapted my writing to explain all of the different ways people are intelligent, and describe other circumstances. I personally struggled with this idea earler this year, so i decided to give it further thought by writing this essay. My writing emphasizes the different ways intelligence can be used and presented as well as how intelligence grows and can change. The researched definition tone was made to produce intelligent thought on the matter, relying solely on logos.
Jonathon,
I just wanted to let you know how impressed I have been with all of your work! You have done a great job, and your writing has already changed so much! I think it's great that you went after a topic that really interested you and presented it in such a thorough, well-rounded manner. It is clear that you worked really hard on this essay and all of the revision that you did, and you should be really proud of the work that you have done! I know that as you move forward you will continue to improve and expand on your writing. I can't wait to read what you write next.
Elissa
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
I’m writing both a short comparison and a short (I forgot what the english term for comparing 2 things that are completly diffrent) to decide which one i will want to focus on. Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy//and//sygaldry//and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace. So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross. Luckily, there was an//Edema//boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation. ” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “ “The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.” ‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’ “Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write. ” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “ Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan. The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist. ” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge (Great idea--I definitely think there is a difference, and I think the story you chose illustrates that well, I'm looking forward to how you'll explain it further as I read). People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question.
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power. The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis(Is knowledge limited, or is it something that can expand? Why would it be important for one person to "tell" what another person's knowledge is?). In society people meet for different reasons, but often for only one or two areas of life. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge,
leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability(why is it important that the two main places we most often interact are in school or at work?). Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority(What types of knowledge are these? Why aren't they shown? What are they used for?).
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge (does intelligence ever work off knowledge? Does the intelligence of a person change based on their knowledge?) , but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life (Can you give me an example of the use of intelligence? That might help to further clarify what you're saying here, especially if you have an example from your own experience).
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival(can you be sure to define which one is which in your example? I know you said comparisons between these two are tough. I like that you have defined what each of your "terms" are, now can you try to find some similarities? You have highlighted some differences, but can you show us how the two are connected?).
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merly from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was mierly caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent?(Good-can you relate this more to real life? What lessons can we pull from this story? How should we view intelligence based on the moral from this story, and how should we view and/or treat other people based on the moral from this story?)
other essay
Fear, the most primal and shunned of emotions in American society, yet it is one of the emotions that can enact a powerful binds and restrictions on humanity, resembling heavy prison chains. Fear exerts many of the same influences and pressures that heavy chains, enacting the same responses from people when they are under chains and when they are released from such a pressure(I like this introduction, comparing fear to chains--I think it can show the physical feelings of fear as you mentioned. What else do you think it could be representative of? What happens to people when they live in fear? I'm not sure at this point, however what you are comparing? How can you make sure that what you will be comparing is clear in this first paragraph?).
Common fear, the kind we encounter often, be it arachnophobia, tight spaces, or heights(What are other kinds of fear? Why is common fear the most important?). When people encounter something they fear, the feel a sinking throughout their body, making them feel heavy, while at the same time their body jumps into overdrive, they tense, start sweating, and often freak out and use excessive energy in their movement. This sudden effect resembles the effect on a body when a heavy weight is placed upon it. The feeling of being wrapped among smothering coils often prompts the body to try and break free from the burden.
Avoidance of what scares people is a good policy on paper, yet in today’s society it often can be a major hindrance to life. As people avoid remembering a painful memory, avoiding someone in which a painful experience, or they avoid retraining, or more recently reapplying for a job(are these real life experiences? Can you give us a little more about them? How did you feel in the moment when you confronted--or avoided--that fear?). Time passes, yet the fear only increases, causing greater and greater problems in their life. NPR recently did a small segment on people, having been unemployed for so long, often fear gaining a job again because of a belief that their skills have deteriorated. Chains were designed to place around objects and tie them to nearby fixtures, making sure though strength that the object stayed there. Chains placed on living things for a significant amount of time slowly start effecting the human psyche, slowily draining them of all energy, slowly darkening their aspect on life(what do our metaphorical chains do to us?).
Time can also weaken fear, just as it can strengthen it, the world can wear down on it until it is broken, just like a rusted chain. One the supporting/straining force disappears, the object often slumps and falls down due to gravity, or suddenly bursts due to the loss of an opposing force. Humans and animals alike often reflect his behavior. Fear is a tool that has been used by and on humans since humanity discovered death, fittingly the tools of a chain and fear have often been used in conjunction.
Jonathon,
I think both of these essays have great starts! For the first: I like your use of the story at the beginning, and I like that you connect back to it again at the end. How can you use it even more to get your point across? Can you expand on some of the morals it teaches to illustrate the differences (and similarities) between knowledge and intelligence? I also think you do a good job of explaining what knowledge and intelligence are. Can you "compare" them a little more now that you've defined them? How are they linked? What is similar about them? Why is it important that they are linked? How can you incorporate examples to show how the two are linked or how they operate on a daily basis? I think you're off to a great start! For the second: At first I wasn't completely clear what two things you were comparing. Can you make sure to be clear about what two things you're comparing? I think the idea of comparing fear to chains is really interesting, and you've done a good job exploring that. Try to dig deep about the suggestions of chains. What all can chains represent? Why would that be important when comparing them to fear? Are there several kinds of fear? Would it be beneficial to explore other types of fear and how they work in our society? You start to mention maybe a real-life experience. Can you expand on it? How did it affect you? How did you feel when confronted with fear? What are ways to overcome fear and break the chains? Really, both of these are off to a great start! I like both ideas a lot, and I look forward to seeing which direction you decide to go! Let me know how else I can help you! Elissa Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4) Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy//and//sygaldry//and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace. So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross. Luckily, there was an//Edema//boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation. ” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “ “The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.” ‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’ “Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write. ” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “ Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan. The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist. ” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge (What sort of statement does the story make? Which kind of knowledge or intelligence does it value? What do you think about that?). People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question(how does it differ from person to person? What are some examples of differences in knowledge and intelligence in different people?).
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent(How does knowledge allow a person to "interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency"?). Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power(Can you make a connection here back to the story you started your essay with? How does the story demonstrate that knowledge is power?). The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others are those people didn’t necessarily chose to be with. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority(should we know a person's full knowledge or capability? Do you feel that it is a positive or negative thing that we only often see a small part of a person's knowledge? How does the fact that we only know a small portion of a person's knowledge affect the way we interact with each other?). These types of knowledge is something that is usually socially inappropriate or is not acceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts, these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public.
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life(How is intelligence used in the story at the beginning of the essay?). Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge, if two people are given a similar piece of information in which they had no prior knowledge about, the one with greater intelligence can glean more(knowledge?) from the information.
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival.(Can you make a clearer distinction in your example for which represents knowledge and which represents intelliegence?) The two are interconnected however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things.
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent (good!)?
The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and stupid(Is there a better word you could choose here?) at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The arcanist the clearly intellectual superior, drowns, leaving humanity of loosing a great intellectua(How else can you phrase this sentence? I'm having a little bit of trouble getting your meaning...) l. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity(Can we use intelligence to make a judgement or to value one man more highly than the other?). Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use(Do you have any reccomendations for these men so that they wouldn't just be "average"?).
The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meatorialogy to tell ether that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait.
The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself, and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman surivived, who was the more intelligent person?
(P.S.) the reason i chose the intelligence essay was simply that the fear issue was too broad and deep for my experience.
Jonathon, Good job! You are doing some good work on investigating and comparing intelligence and knowledge. I like that you have added more explanation about the story that you have at the beginning-I think it is truly a great example for what you are discussing. Could you weave some of that investigation into your earlier paragraphs? You have started to ask some great questions (who was the more intelligent person?, etc.)-can you expand even further and give me some real-world application to the situation this story poses? What are some present-day situations where this occurs? Have you ever experienced something similar? What does it imply--can we make a judgment about who is more intelligent? Also, since this is still a comparison piece, and not a definition piece, how can you tie that back to the differences (or similarities) between knowledge and intelliegence? Do you think our society values one more highly than the other? Let me know as always about any questions or other ways I can help! Elissa Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy//and//sygaldry//and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.
So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.
Luckily, there was an//Edema//boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.
” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “
“The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”
‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’
“Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.
” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “
Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.
The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.
” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss) (Jonathon--as you know I think this story is a great illustration of some of your central points. It is a little long though--I'm wondering if you can just use a portion of it? Pick out the most important points and edit the rest out?)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history(How about you--have you ever had or seen such an experience first hand? Can you describe it?), describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge . People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question however closely tied the attributes are.
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. This occurs by allowing the individual to rational gauge how his/her actions would effect their reality and choose the one they would prefer(I'm curious--what do you think makes knowledge exciting? Is it exciting to have knowledge or to find new knowledge? Why-or why not-? Can you tell us? You do a great job of outlining the basics of knowledge in a thorough manner, but why should we be passionate about it? Why should we care about knowledge or seek knowledge? And is that then different from intelligence? If so, how? What is exciting about intelligence? Why should we care about intelligence and the way it operates? Why should we care about the way knowledge and intelligence are similar or different or they way they interact?). Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power. Demonstrated by the aforementioned story, due to the boatman's knowledge of swimming, he was able to save his life, unlike the arcanist. The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others are those people didn’t necessarily chose to be with(Can a person gain knowledge from other people--even those, as you say, they don't necessarily choose to be with? Why is it important that we don't necessarily know all of the knowledge a person has, or that it is not presented in every situation, or that people spend a lot of time with others they don't choose to be with? Why did you choose to include this in your paper?). Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority. Thus a person's full potential is never seen. This is unfortunate in most cases as people are judged and valued by their talents by the majority of the populace(Is there anything that could be done to change this?). These types of knowledge is something that is usually socially inappropriate or is not acceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts, these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public.
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life(great! Thank you for giving us some info about their relationship!). Appearances can be deceiving, as throughout the bulk of the story the arcanist was believed to be vastly more intelligent yet the end left us questioning our decision. Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge, if two people are given a similar piece of information in which they had no prior knowledge about, the one with greater intelligence can glean more knowledge from the information as well as at a faster rate.
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy(why is it useless? Because no one is acting on that knowledge? Can you make it more clear which this is--knowledge or intelligence?). The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival. The computer has far more knowledge than a monkey could ever hope to gain, but the monkey can interact with the world, changing it's surroundings to survive. The two are interconnected however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things.
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent ? (What do you believe is the answer to this question? Why? Are you saying that it is better to be amongst the elite group? What is the story saying? How does this relate to knowledge versus intelligence?)
The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and yet unintelligent ( <--Why is this bolded?) at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The arcanist the clearly intellectual superior, drowns, having humanity loose a greater resource than a simple boatmanl. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity(Can we use intelligence to make a judgement or to value one man more highly than the other? I would like to talk to you about this. ). Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use(Do you have any reccomendations for these men so that they wouldn't just be "average"?What do you mean by this?--I mean that it seems to be a pity that they each live only in "average" intelligence. Is there a way for them to overcome their flaws or move beyond average intelligence or do you believe each person is only meant to have a certain amount or type of intelligence?).
The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meatorialogy to tell ether that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait(Again, since this is a comparison paper, how can you relate the story to the comparison you're making between intelligence and knowledge?).
The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself(Do we know this for sure? As you stated previously, in any given encounter we cannot show our full potential to another person, and often we cannot judge all of what a person knows (their knowledge). Do we know that the boatman was never educated or that he never tried to educate himself? Perhaps he was not educated in the traditional sense, but isn't that the point here--that education and knowledge comes in all shapes and sizes, even if one tends to be more favored by our society? What does that say about our society?), and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman surivived, who was the more intelligent person?
P.S. I wasn't able to work much on the essay this week so i regrettably have not intregraded my sources into my paper, or created a works cited for them yet. I already mentioned the possibility of meeting with you on Saturday, though it would be fine to meet later in the week, as my final hard copy is due Wendsday. Do you have a webcam that we could link and use to chat? Check the inbox messages!
Jonathon,
You've done a good job exploring knowledge and intelligence. As always, you are very thorough, and precise in all of the information you incorporate. I think you have done a good job in this paper of analyzing with the support of a source, instead of the other way around, which I know is something you have been working on--so great job. I would really like to know what excites you about this topic? Why are you passionate about knowledge and intelligence, and why should your audience be passionate about them? What is exciting about knowledge? Intelligence? About the two combined? What happens when someone makes a discovery? Is that knowledge and intelligence interacting? What is that moment like and what does it mean for the rest of humankind? Have you ever had one of those moments? When delving into the story make sure that you remember that this is a comparison paper. How does the story show the comparison of intelligence and knowledge or how the two interact? I'm also curious what you think about types of intelligence. Does the story say anywhere that the boatman is unintelligent? Does our society say that people like the boatman are unintelligent? Why? What does this say about our society and how can we change that view? Just some things to consider! Let me know about questions.....! Elissa
Completed essay
Jonathon Neessen
Mr. Johnston
Ap Language and Composition
27, March 2012
Patrick Routhifuss in his book *The Name of the Wind*, has his main character (Kvothe) given a lecture from a master from the world renowned Arcanum.
*Once there was a learned* arcanist*. He knew all of*sympathy<http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Sympathy> *and* sygaldry <http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Sygaldry> *and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.* *So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.* *Luckily, there was *an Edema <http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Edema_Ruh> *boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.* ” ‘*What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “* “*The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”* ‘*I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’* “*Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.* ” ‘*Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “* *Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.* *The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.* ” ‘*But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “* (Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, about which the elite is completely clueless. The cultural stereotyping used in such stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs. knowledge . People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realizing that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question,* *however closely tied the attributes are. Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. This occurs by allowing the individual to rationally gauge how his/her actions would affect their reality and choose the outcome they would prefer. Knowledge is, in essence, the sum of all the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement ‘knowledge is power*.’ *Demonstrated in the aforementioned story, the boatman's knowledge of swimming saved his life, unlike the arcanist. The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others is of those people who don’t necessarily chose to be with. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society. In school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes where the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or in the workplace where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize a person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge, however, are almost never shown to the majority. Thus a person's full potential is never seen. This is unfortunate in most cases as people are judged and valued by their talents by the majority of the populace. These types of knowledge are something that is usually inappropriate or unacceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts; these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public. Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain a favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life. Appearances can be deceiving, as throughout the bulk of the story the arcanist was believed to be vastly more intelligent, yet the end left us questioning our decision. Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge. The one with greater intelligence can glean more* *knowledge from the information, as well as at a faster rate. Intelligence is measured differently according to different cultures, “Since intelligence is primarily defined as one’s capacity to grasp the truth of things… In a purely oral culture, intelligence is often associated with aphoristic ingenuity, that is, the power to invent compact sayings with wide applicability.” (Postman, 24-25) Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult to draw due to the close connections between the two, but the use of examples help greatly. The computer with wi-fi has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape, however, is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival. The computer has far more knowledge than a monkey could ever hope to gain, but the monkey can interact with the world, changing its surroundings to survive. The two are interconnected, however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge, however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things. Intelligence if further defined by the society in which you live in. The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question: who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the continent. He spoke many languages, knew how to create some of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent? The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and yet unintelligent at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The clearly intellectual superior, drowns, having humanity lose a greater resource than a simple boatman. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity*. *Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use. Yet society can play a role in both of them, for the boatman chances for higher education is often dismissed and those in the lower classes are often ignored, as well as the extreme difficulty in education its self. (Seccome,1999) The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meteorology to tell either that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait. Even If this man was extremely intelligent, his current actions would prove otherwise. Andrea Bennett would suggest otherwise; stating that high IQ a renowned indicator of intelligence, can play a crucial role in the usage of illegal drugs. This skews social values often stating that those who use drugs are “losers” that often end up wasting their lives. (Bennett) The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself, and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman survived. In the words of Albert Einstein, one of the most celebrated geniuses of today, “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” Who was the more intelligent person?
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25) I apologize about frogeting this, Since we didn't have to turn in our papers yet as well as having spring break i frogot about this. My purpose in writing this comparison was to confront the relationship between knowledge and intelligence that society has portrayed. I accomplished this goal by providing evidence that interrupeded the relationship that most people think of as well as giving questions to disrupt their current thoughts(I agree that you did this, but can you give me specific examples from your writing? How can you show that you did what you say you did?). I did not write to a specific audience, rather i tend to write to the general populace(why? again, can you give me an example of how you do this?). The introduction using the short story was given to the audience to provide a general theme. The close relationship portrayed between a intelligence and knowledge is often incorrect, allowing for a comparion between the two to be relivent. I draw attention to my major points by making connections and giving examples to further extrapolate my point(here would also be a great place to give some examples of your work and examine why they work well). I did not make any effort to create a different persona or tone as i do not see the advantages of those actions in a... i just thought of something to add, i will use tone to portray diffrent personas to show the viewpoint of diffrent beliefs surrounding this topic(how will this enhance your paper? How do you think it will help a variety of audiences to undertand your point?). You did a great job reflecting--I think it's great that your reflection lead you to some new ideas! Try to examine your own writing within your reflection as well--that will help you to see what you are doing and why you are doing it. Good work! Elissa Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8) America Next? The augment over intelligence has been around as long as mankind noticed that It was the only thing that truly thought(How can you begin this paper in a way that is a little more unique? I feel like all of your papers begin in a slight variation of this sentence How can you be more specific to what you will be talking about?). The discussion over what intelligence is and who has a greater grasp of hit has ranged from Greek philophosepers, Roman politicians and Lawyers, China’s Confucian scholars, and to Native American shamans(be careful about the term "shamans" is this a Native American term?). Each culture found an different model of what intelligence looks like, yet eventuaialy all of their models failed(how have their models failed? How are Confucian, Roman, and Greek ideas about intelligence still being used today?) , along with their civilization, yet each of them were correct in that their models were intelligent, yet they eventually failed. There have been many connections to past empires to our civilization today and signs of collapse have shown themselves over the years(such as what?) yet today the average layman seems to duck his head and trudge along(in what ways? In what aspects of society?), illustrating my point that our culture today seems to avoid lasting intelligence. The development of specializations is not a knew phenomenon, yet the most sought after trades have always varied, and in this culture, the entertainment industry is the most sought-after by the majority of the population today’s teens(by the majority of the population or by the majority of today's teens?), and it is unfortunately understandable(do you have a source for this information? Who says that entertainment is most sought-after? What does it say about intelligence?). This bridge is quite useful in describing how the culture can ultimately effect the intelligence of it’s population. Most of those in their youth often spent as much time as possible on things they enjoy, and due to the large amount of free time often given to them they quickly waste it. Most people would consider waste, a harsh word as almost guys foolishly rembers with nostalgia the time they spent playing sports. They would adamantly argue that it increased their teamwork and social skills as well as improving their body. That can be critical if they plan on going into the military or construction, or some other hard physical labor, but increasingly the majority of people have migrated to desk jobs, where for the majority of the day little athletics are used(does this diminish the experiences they had in their past? I'm having a hard time seeing how this connects to your point about the entertainment industry or youth who "waste time". Is sports a waste of time?). Still, even though their cererir has faded, they still enthusiastically follow the activities, pouring far more energy into it than they show at work while at the same time persuading the younger generations to join in and use their youth into trying for stardom against astronomic odds. The entertainments are not entirely bad, as they allow use of intelligences not normally critical to the civilization(do you think that this is the whole of a person and their time? Entertainment or playing sports is usually considered a pasttime; do people who are intelligent watch sports games?).
Intelligence, as I have stated earlier is not something in which is directly connected to knowledge, but instead to the sum of the person. Yet people are skilled in vastly different areas leading to the theory of multiple intelligences. Different intelligences are very useful in different circumstances; it is the person's portrayal and involvement in those areas in which he would portray the most intelligence. To portray an example, a compound was used to decipher enemy codes and messages, and yet daily the scientists and physiologists scoffed at the uselessness of society, yet one day bombs started to fall, leaving the intellects quivering like a pile of chickens, leaving the soldiers to herd them to safety. This I admit is an exaggerated example, but it servers its purpose well. Both jobs were equally important, making changes for the future, the scientist though his discoveries and work, the soldier though those he saved and those he killed. The actions of the entertainer (excluding the athlete) seem quite frivolous in comparison, though they do have their place, but the equivalent ratio between entertainer and the rest of the populous is minuscule compared to the rest of the populace(it seems to me that your point in this paper is that the entertainment industry and sports are a waste of time and a drain on our intelligence. Is this what you feel you are trying to argue?).
Note that when I continually refer to culture, I refer to the “modern” loud, obnoxious culture(again, can you give me some sort of citation? Where does this information come from?) that the world takes to define the U.S. as well as your youth as they are what the U.S. will become. I don’t expect anyone to become an autatron, who only works, I understand that people need breaks and a relief, but to make that the focal point of someone’s life and dreams is just foolishness(I wonder if you could look at the culture of some other nations to compare? Do other countries focus on entertainment and pasttimes or do they only work? Which nations seem to be succeeding the most?). This foolishness describes the opposite of the growing U.S. in the 1700-1800s described in “Amusing Ourselves to Death” would not surprisingly end in an unraveling, of the country, following the path of so many before it.
Jonathon,
I think you definitely have a start on this paper. Go back and take a look at how you are constructing your argument, and what exactly you are trying to argue. You are clearly very passionate in that you feel we have a relatively lazy culture, but is that connected with intelligence? Are we a country who is unintelligent or do we just fail to use our intelligence in productive ways? Also, you have a lot of information in here that has no citation. Where are you getting your information from? Be sure that it is completely accurate--this will make your argument a lot stronger. Also take a look at your opening. How can you make it something a little more specific tothis paper, and to you as a writer and as a thinker? Great start! Let me know about any questions you may have! Elissa
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15) America Next? The struggle for surivial leaves only the fittest, This allows the species to be build up. The same concept applies to nations themselves, but what happens to them when they reach the top? Naturaly, they often relax and enjoy their hard work. Luxury softtens, and softens, reversing the process, loosening the bonds that held together their strength, leading to decay(How does this relate to intelligence? I wonder if you can start right off with a statement about American culture and the way we devalue intelligence?). This decay is often impossible to see, yet like a decaying redwood, all appearances hold up, yet its strength is slowly decaying inside. The discussion over what intelligence is and who has a greater grasp of hit has ranged from Greek philosophers, Roman politicians and Lawyers, China’s Confucian scholars, and to tribal cheiftans. Each culture found an different model of what intelligence looks like, yet eventuality all of their models failed, gradually decaying, weakening the civilization. Eventually the pillars of their society became its weakness. They began to fall back onto their history, relying on what was in the past ignoring changes. They began to fall, along with their civilization, yet each of them were correct in that their models were intelligent, yet they eventually failed. There have been many connections to past empires to our civilization today and signs of collapse have shown themselves over the years. Problems have spread, from economic challenges, to global effects in policies, to a feeling of detachment from politics, something unthinkable in years past(how many year past? you don't need to give a specific number-but is it 5, or 50? Can you be a bit more specific in your claims?), yet today the average layman seems to duck his head and trudge along trying to ignore the problems, illustrating my point that our culture today seems to avoid lasting intelligence. The layman is actually quite smart, [normal having no serious mental disadvantages to those](I'm not sure I understand what you're saying in this clause, can you clarify?), it is more of that of routines that hinder him and weakens the structure he is apart of. These routines draws the layman into actions that are often detrimental, waiting his potential, the american revolution(I'm not sure I understand why you are utilizing the American Revolution here? It does not quite seem to fit with the rest of the argument thus far?) was able to change that, allowing those not normality in power to make changes and help the civilization adapt. The development of specializations is not a new phenomenon, yet the most sought after trades have always varied, and in this culture, the entertainment industry is the most sought-after by the majority of today’s teens, and it is unfortunately understandable(do you have a source for this information? Who says that entertainment is most sought-after? What does it say about intelligence?). This bridge is quite useful in describing how the culture can ultimately effect the intelligence of it’s population. Most of those in their youth often spent as much time as possible on things they enjoy, and due to the large amount of free time often given to them they quickly waste it. Most people would consider waste, a harsh word as almost guys foolishly rembers with nostalgia the time they spent playing sports. They would adamantly argue that it increased their teamwork and social skills as well as improving their body. That can be critical if they plan on going into the military or construction, or some other hard physical labor, but increasingly the majority of people have migrated to desk jobs, where for the majority of the day little athletics are used, diminishing the value of the time spent in those activities. Still, even though their career has faded, they still enthusiastically follow the activities, pouring far more energy into it than they show at work while at the same time persuading the younger generations to join in and use their youth into trying for stardom against astronomic odds. This pattern can drain the energy of generations of a family and spend it into frivolous activities that have no impact on the future. The entertainments are not entirely bad, as they allow use of intelligences not normally critical to the civilization. I must emphasize again that pastimes and sports are not world ending, but a continued devotion to them can lead to ruin. To give a comparison, Taylor Wilson became obsessed after reading the Nuclear Scout, and subsequently was able to build a functioning nuclear reactor at age 14. (The Boy)(I'm not sure how this relates to the rest of your argument in this paragraph? I'm getting a little lost in this paragraph, to be honest. I agree that most people show more enthusiasm about their hobbies than about their work; how can we change that? Would the world--or our nation--be a different place if the opposite was true? Is it ok for people to have hobbies that they are passionate about?)
Intelligence, as I have stated earlier is not something in which is directly connected to knowledge, but instead to the sum of the person. Yet people are skilled in vastly different areas leading to the theory of multiple intelligences(Since you have not brought this up previously, it is probably helpful for some readers to give a short explanation of what that is-be sure to cite it!). Different intelligences are very useful in different circumstances; it is the person's portrayal and involvement in those areas in which he would portray the most intelligence. To portray an example, a compound was used to decipher enemy codes and messages, and yet daily the scientists and physiologists scoffed at the uselessness of society, yet one day bombs started to fall, leaving the intellects quivering like a pile of chickens, leaving the soldiers to herd them to safety. This I admit is an exaggerated example, but it servers its purpose well. Both jobs were equally important, making changes for the future, the scientist though his discoveries and work, the soldier though those he saved and those he killed. The actions of the entertainer (excluding the athlete) seem quite frivolous in comparison, though they do have their place, but the equivalent ratio between entertainer and the rest of the populous is minuscule compared to the rest of the populace(To play devil's advocate--I think many would disagree. While an athlete is not as "academic" in nature, isn't he still using one of the multiple intelligences? Is he not still contributing to society, perhaps by taking away the daily stresses and boredom of people who work more traditional office jobs?).
Note that when I continually refer to culture, I refer to the “modern” loud, obnoxious culture that the world takes to define the U.S. as well as your youth as they are what the U.S. will become(again, where does this come from? Your observation or research?). I don’t expect anyone to become an autatron, who only works, I understand that people need breaks and a relief, but to make that the focal point of someone’s life and dreams is just foolishness. This foolishness describes the opposite of the growing U.S. in the 1700-1800s described in “Amusing Ourselves to Death” (maybe you could cite this paper earlier? If you believe it has some good ideas, why not utlilize what it has to say to back your argument?)would not surprisingly end in an unraveling, of the country, following the path of so many before it.
"The Boy who played with nuclear fusion."http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-02/boy-who-played-fusion?cmp=fb My apologies about this quite confusing paper, i will work on it over the weekend and try to clean and expand, i've symply been trying to bride the gap between what i already have in my paper and the point i have in mind which is that different intelligences abound, yet society and civilizations define what's important as well as what is truely needed. Jonathon, It's clear that you have made some changes in your second draft, so that's great. I'm still a little unclear in reading the paper where exactly you are hoping to go. (I know you say you're working on it this weekend, so I'm excited to see it!) You seem to have a lot of good ideas, you just need to figure out how to connect them and make sure you don't lose sight of the central idea of intelligence along the way! It may also be important in writing this to consider the opposite side--one that considers entertainment a productive part of our society. How can you take their point of view into consideration and then convince those people of your point? I look forward to meeting with you!Elissa Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Disclaimer: This continuation essay is not an attack and/or denouncement of Muslims but rather an investigation into the effects of a Muslim majority in a society(How can you address your position as an outsider--not someone who lives in a society where the dominant religion is Islam-- to these societies, since the dominant religion in our country is Christianity, and not Islam?).
Though the challenges of INTRO Though todays news casters find time to talk about everything from new medical tecnologies,the latest non fiction bestseller, how to make good holiday meals, paraides, weather, latest sports and celibrity news, i find that outside FRONTLINE religion is rarely the topic of the hour(why do you think that is? Is this the case in all countries? Right now you are talking about the United States, later you shift, make sure to stay consistent in which societies you discuss to make your argument consitent and stronger). This combined with the already of sparse information about the developing nations often leavs the dangers of a muslim majority in the dark to most people(I would be cautious about this sentence. To me, it seems like you are saying that it is dangerous to have a muslim majority in society, something that could be quite offensive. Is that what you are trying to say?). Westernization and imperialism by the west has socialy placed them(who?) in the role of oppressors both worldwide and nationwide though the use of slavery(How has the west put the Middle East in the position of the Oppressors? I think some may argue that the west has oppressed Muslims in the Middle East and in our own country. Can you give some examples or a direct quote to make your argument stronger?), yet these comparitivly recent events have only hidden the past actions taken by Muslim governments. (voice of the martyrs magazine.) Taken from International Religous Human Freedom Report 2010 published by the U.S. Goverment Beuro of democracy, human rights, and labor. "The criminal code makes spreading hatred, heresy, and blasphemy punishable by up to five years in prison. Although the law applies to all officially recognized religions, the few cases in which it has been enforced have almost always involved blasphemy and heresy against Islam.
During the Islamic fasting month of Ramadan, many local governments ordered either the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment establishments. Several regional governments issued circulars limiting the operating hours of night entertainment venues, cafes, and restaurants during the month of Ramadan. Some of the restaurants chose to close voluntarily while others, if not serving food acceptable to Muslims, remained open, often posting a sign that the business was not Muslim-owned.
Surabaya city government officials, social leaders, religious leaders, and business leaders signed a joint agreement not to operate nighttime entertainment during the fasting month. Similar regulations were applied in Jakarta and other parts of the country. Regional governments, city administrations, and hardline groups sometimes employed force in administering these regulations, although in many cases police prevented vigilante groups from taking action. There were 12 regencies and cities in East Java that issued a regulation/circular letter ordering the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment venues during Ramadan(can you say why you feel this is a problem? Are the communities in which these businesses are located predominantly Muslim? If so, why do you feel the governments would take this action? How do you feel it compares with our government closing schools and businesses on Christmas and Easter when not everyone in this country celebrates those holidays?).
Between June and December 2009, local authorities prohibited the Baptist Christian Church of Jakarta in Tangerang, Banten, from conducting Sunday services on their property. This was allegedly in response to pressure from radical groups.
In June 2009 the Batak Christian Protestant Church (HKBP) in Jakabaring, Palembang, South Sumatra, was forced by local authorities to cease services. The Islamic Belivers Forum (FUI) claimed that the surrounding communities, FKUB(What is the FKUB?), and local government never gave the church permission for construction. The planned location for the church was in the center of a Muslim-majority community, and church officials continued in their application with the local government to obtain a construction permit." "Indonesia"
U.S. Department of State. Bureau of democracy, human rights, and labor. 17 November, 2010. Web. 19 April 2012. http://www.state.gov/j/drl/rls/irf/2010/148869.htm Modern day problems with Islamic governments. The revolution in Egypt and the start of the Arab Spring is shown that through the vast majority of Muslims an increasing danger has been placed on the minorities including the national Coptic Christians(what are Coptic Christians? All of your readers might not know). This increasing trend in revolting nations against their authorian leaders are beginning to follow Iran's footsteps to an Islamic government. review of relationships http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2010/11/05/a-review-of-christian-muslim-conflict-and-a-modest-proposal-to-counter-it/ Interesting website http://www.persecution.org/2012/04/05/christian-boy-given-jail-term-for-insulting-islam-in-egypt/ The west and in turn Christianity are attacked for their invovlemnt in impearlism and slavery. Those europeans and americans who did take part in the atrocities of (use of both online sources and an AP world textbook) My apologies for not finishing, for some schedualing mishaps i will not have to turn in the paper untill next friday so if it is fine with you i will use another copy http://www.americanthinker.com/2005/08/top_ten_reasons_why_sharia_is.html Jonathon,
Thanks for letting me know about the draft. You are obviously very passionate about this topic, which is good and you have a nice start. I would double check with your teacher to be sure--should this be related to your topic of intelligence? If so, how could you bring that into this argument? As you continue, make sure that you examine all sides of your argument (look at the questions I've put within the text)--how would different readers feel about this subject? Maybe take a look at how different societies view or treat Islam within their culture and how the dominant religion effects that? Definitely let me know about any questions you have! Elissa
Second draft, i have some sentences that are the start of a paragraph but i stoped midway.
Disclaimer: This continuation essay is not an attack and/or denouncement of Muslims but rather an investigation into the effects of a Muslim majority in a society.
Living in a westernized natin 75% Though todays news casters find time to talk about everything from new medical tecnologies,the latest non fiction bestseller, how to make good holiday meals, paraides, weather, latest sports and celibrity news, i find that outside FRONTLINE religion is rarely the topic of the hour(why do you think that might be?). This combined with the already of sparse information about the developing nations(Who views them as developing--Western nations or themselves--or both?) often leavs the dangers of a muslim majority in the dark to most people.
Living in America, the use of human rights and politically correct actions has become widespread and thought of playing the "race" card has allowed minorities to gain semi equal footing in our society, and can easily play defensive, yet where Muslim majorities are, they are not hesitant to use force(Do you think this is a reflection of religion or culture? Do you think this is a reflection of an entire society or a small segment of society who has gained and retained power?). The understandable outrage over the Florida buring of the qurians sparked international outrage, yet no news outburst followed the scheduled execution of Youcef Nadarkhani in Iran for lawfully forbidding the teaching of the quran to his boys and his arrest for apostasy to Muslims. While they moved the execution back one year, they are continuing efforts to forcefully convert him to islam. (Iranian.) Though Nations with western style laws and government have been stable, instability has often led to disaster to the liberals who themselves wanted reform. The revolution in Iran placed an ayatollah(what is an ayatollah?) in power, and his interpretations of the quran became law, His actions led and dismissed democracy, religious tolerance, and human rights while trying to restore "political-religous" harmony which gave the clergy political power(Frost) (compare to catholics/popes)(how does this compare to the Catholics and Popes?) (diffrentiate between goverments, shiite/suni warfare, how any majority brings problems. Westernization and imperialism by the west has socially placed them in the role of oppressors both worldwide and nationwide though the use of slavery, yet these comparatively recent events have only hidden the past actions taken by Muslim societies back through the middle ages. The use of slavery in africa was long used, but due to community/tribal ownership they became rather a part of the society rather than just property. (Slavery) The expansion of the islamic empire soon brought the entirety of north Africa under it's control. Through the fall of the Umayyad to the Abbasid empire the use of slavery became more rampant as increasingly luxurious harems of slave women and the primary military powers being slave armies and of one incident one caliph (what is a caliph?)recruited a slave force of 70,000. (Stearns 166) "(What about those in the West--have we not used slavery? How is this different?---I just want you to look at the other side of the argument, what some one might say or ask when reading your paper)
The African slave trade as such, the black traffic, was an Arab invention, developed by traders with the enthusiastic collaboration of black African ones, institutionalized with the most unrelenting brutality, centuries before the white man appeared on the African continent, and continuing long after the slave market in North America was finally crushed" (Huges)
Some would argue that the common them encoes of the supression of rights and freedoms with an increasing trend of social control(problems?) results not from the impact islam has had on the society, rather the overall situations of being a 3rd world country rather than any specific religous problem-(good acknowledging the other side!).
Taken from International Religous Human Freedom Report 2010 published by the U.S. Goverment Beuro of democracy, human rights, and labor. "The criminal code makes spreading hatred, heresy, and blasphemy punishable by up to five years in prison. Although the law applies to all officially recognized religions, the few cases in which it has been enforced have almost always involved blasphemy and heresy against Islam.
During the Islamic fasting month of Ramadan, many local governments ordered either the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment establishments. Several regional governments issued circulars limiting the operating hours of night entertainment venues, cafes, and restaurants during the month of Ramadan. Some of the restaurants chose to close voluntarily while others, if not serving food acceptable to Muslims, remained open, often posting a sign that the business was not Muslim-owned.
Surabaya city government officials, social leaders, religious leaders, and business leaders signed a joint agreement not to operate nighttime entertainment during the fasting month. Similar regulations were applied in Jakarta and other parts of the country. Regional governments, city administrations, and hardline groups sometimes employed force in administering these regulations, although in many cases police prevented vigilante groups from taking action. There were 12 regencies and cities in East Java that issued a regulation/circular letter ordering the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment venues during Ramadan." This differs between western cultures in that closures of businesses during the holidays are often enacted due to wide spread employee support and lack of customers during those days rather than forced closure by the government(Thanks for clearing this up; is it a fact from somewhere?).
"Between June and December 2009, local authorities prohibited the Baptist Christian Church of Jakarta in Tangerang, Banten, from conducting Sunday services on their property. This was allegedly in response to pressure from radical groups.
In June 2009 the Batak Christian Protestant Church (HKBP) in Jakabaring, Palembang, South Sumatra, was forced by local authorities to cease services. The Islamic Belivers Forum (FUI) claimed that the surrounding communities, FKUB, and local government never gave the church permission for construction. The planned location for the church was in the center of a Muslim-majority community, and church officials continued in their application with the local government to obtain a construction permit." Indonesia is the 4th largest nation in the world with religions: Muslim, Protestant, Roman Catholic, Hindu, and Buddhis with the majority being 86% muslim. (Indonesia Facts) (Is this where you stopped? It seems like you have the starts of major points here but did not finish them)Modern day problems with Islamic governments. The revolution in Egypt and the start of the Arab Spring is shown that through the vast majority of Muslims an increasing danger has been placed on the minorities including the national Coptic Christians. This increasing trend in revolting nations against their authorian leaders are beginning to follow Iran's footsteps to an Islamic government.
review of relationships http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2010/11/05/a-review-of-christian-muslim-conflict-and-a-modest-proposal-to-counter-it/ Interesting website http://www.persecution.org/2012/04/05/christian-boy-given-jail-term-for-insulting-islam-in-egypt/ http://www.americanthinker.com/2005/08/top_ten_reasons_why_sharia_is.html
Stearns, Michael Adas, Stuart B. Schwarz, and Marc Jason Gilbert.
World Civilizations The Global Experience. Pearson Education, Inc. NJ. 2011. Print.
Huges, Robert. "The Fraying of America."
Time 3 Febuary, 1992. Web
"Indonesia Facts."
National Geographic. National Geographic. n.d. web. 25 April, 2012
"Slavery in Africa prior to Europeans." n.p. n.d. web. 25 April, 2012 "Iranian Government Delays Pastor's Death for One Year Hoping Media Will Forget."
Tecnocrati.
Frost, J. William.
A HIstory of Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddist, and Muslim Perspectives on War and Peace Volume II: A Century of Wars.// Lewiston: Edwin Mellen Press, 2004. Print Jonathon, This is definitely more developed and you have done a good job in utilizing a lot of sources in developing your argument. You have started to acknowledge the "other side" of the argument which is great, but I would like to see you do that even more. Since this is a really touch-y topic, you have to consider what someone who would disagree with your argument would say to each of your point in reading this and try to respond to that or prepare for it in your writing to make it an even stronger essay. I think you have a great start, just be sure you're not blaming a religion for a culture, or even a culture or a religion for a small segment of people who have gained and retained power. It also may be useful for you to think about how your own culture affects how you view an Islamic country (and this is really a hard topic--very advanced that you have picked!) but how does our media and our government affect the way we see a country like Iran or Iraq? How do our schools and our families or even our own places of worship affect how we view these countries? Of course we believe that our own government and our own way of life is the best and I'm not going to say that everything is wonderful in some of these countries you've mentioned, but just try to think about the fact that we may view things a little differently than the people who live their do becuase our culture is not the same. As always, please let me know if you have questions, I realize I kind of threw a lot at you there! Elissa
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23) (apologies for blue, i dont see the color text option) My purpose of my argument was to show the disadvantages a nation receives from having a large Muslim population, something that is rarely even thought of in a rational light. I tried to meet this purpose by evidence(can you give me an example from your own writing?) and trying to avoid an emotional approach, something that would be mistaken for xenophobia. My intended audeince was for the majority of the society, those who would be against my argument and those who would rather duck their heads and run(why is this important?). My family perscribes to a magazine that details monthly different persecutions that Christians face, i became continualy annoyed at how unknowing everyone else was and how much lack of information there was in public, while all we heard about is the terrorist abroad and the defensive Muslims in our communities. My key part of my writing is to draw the comparison between a Muslim dominant 3rd world country and a 3rd world christian country, i use other examples to illustrate the history and trends of Muslim society to further draw light on them(It would be great if you could give some examples from your essay here, as well). I tried to create as much of a neutral personality as possible considering the policy. Due to the sensitive topic, any overt hostility would quickly repel readers. This is a good reflection, Jonathon, I think the only thing that realy can make it stronger is making sure that when you talk about your own writing, you quote it. Show me the exact instance you are referring to in your writing! Additionally, tell us exactly why your essay is important--why these issues and conversations are necessary. Good work, Elissa
Hello Elissa Rabin, my name is Jonathon Neessen. I am 16 years old and i live in Indianola. I am in the Des moines school district to take part of the Central Campus and Central Academy programs. I carpool with my dad most days as he works for the state in Des Moines. I can be voracious reader, and i have interests in video games, martial arts, and the sciences. I am quite strong in the “meat” of writing, with ideas, information, and connections. I am quite bad, however, at being able to communicate my ideas, which is the structure of writing. I am quite bad at the format, which includes advanced punctuation, grammar, spelling, and form. My biggest challenge with writing i’ve struggled with is the pre-mentioned structure, expanding or contracting my ideas to fit a preordained size, and being able to come up with a well structured piece of writing quickly.
Hi Jonathon,
It’s so great to hear from you! I cannot tell you how excited I am to work with you this semester. I am a sophomore at Drake and I am studying Secondary Education and English (I want to be a High School English teacher!). I’m from Naperville, a suburb of Chicago and have a younger sister (she’s a senior in high school). At Drake I spend my time writing for our student magazine, and I am also a part of a social sorority. I also work three days per week nannying for three kids, which I love, and I volunteer one day per week with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I love to travel, read, sing, and scrapbook. Over winter break, I had the opportunity to go to Israel, which was an incredible experience, and I’m hoping to travel a lot more in the future!
I have always felt fairly confident in writing. I enjoy putting sentences together, and trying out new words. Some people really understand math and love to solve equations. I really understand English and love to read and write. Grammar is something that comes relatively naturally to me (although I definitely still make mistakes). When I first came to Drake, I was actually a journalism major, but I switched to Education because I felt so much more passionate about it. I definitely know what you mean when you say that you have trouble with writing to fit a pre-determined size or number of words. I think it can be really difficult when a teacher tells you that you have to have a certain number of words in a paper—especially if you don’t have that much to say on that topic! Sometimes it is also definitely hard to figure out what structure is going to make your writing the most effective, but when it all comes together, it works out really well. I sometimes struggle with getting my ideas on the page. When I’m writing an essay, I often waiting for some big moment of inspiration where I’ll just know what I want to write about. When that moment doesn’t come I really struggle to focus my thoughts and create a really concise, well-articulated paper. I think it’s great that you have that “ideas” part of writing down, as you mentioned. That can be really tough, but I think what truly makes a paper great is when the writer gives you something to really think about, and it sounds like you are already doing that!
I honestly cannot wait to meet you and start working with you! This is going to be a great semester!
Sincerely,
Elissa
Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Knowledge is power, this statement has echoed within me since I first heard it. It is one of the central themes of my life, to the point were it is one of the factors considered when I consider future actions. Throughout my life I increasingly started to enjoy reading, evolving to the point where my middle school library had very few books that still interested me. I, however, managed to develop other interests such as playing video games and reading manga. I continued to high school, doing well in advanced classes without having to work much, and using my free time to read fiction and use videogames. Feeling underwhelmed by chemistry and persuaded by my parents, I open enrolled in Central academy. Indianola’s school system did not support a tuition program, so I decided to enroll into the Des Moines school system, choosing Roosevelt as the home school.
Arriving at Central I was enthusiastic about receiving great lectures daily. My enthusiasm quickly turned into disappointments as one after the other teachers started doing less, and often told students to study and work at home. Marine biology, a two block, weighted, college credit class, managed to do even less than my comparative anatomy class! The days flowing by, I felt greater and greater strain on myself, I had never been required to do 80% of the work outside of my classes. Never having to do more than 50% of the work outside of the class, my prolonged work ethic skills, dulled by the uneventful summer, quickly faltered as I started spending all of my time on homework or avoiding it. Sinking deeper and deeper, I started to notice that most students were doing well and easily surpassing me, even though I was a year older than them. I however noticed those at Central Campus and Roosevelt that there were those much lower than me, even though they had the opportunity to access much advanced classes even earlier than I. Looking around and at my past actions, I realized that intelligence is not some inborn talent like society says. What is intelligence?
Jonathon,
Great job! I really enjoyed reading this, and hearing about your experience, even if it was one that was kind of frustrating for you! I also really like this topic--there is a lot to look at, and it's one that a lot of people can relate to.
You mention the phrase "Knowledge is power" and you say that it is a central theme in your life. I wonder how you could show this to be true? You show us that you like to read and learn, but why is knowledge powerful? Why was it important that you took that extra step and enrolled in Central Academy? After arriving at Central, you've started to struggle a little with your work--even questioning your own work ethic and talent as well as the concept of intelligence. Why was (or is) that struggle something that was important for you? Does it shape who you are or who you will be? I like that you come right out and ask the question "What is intelligence?"--It's something scientists have been theorizing about for years! I wonder if you can use your experiences to decide what intelligence is to you?
Overall, you did a great job! I really liked reading your reflection. You have a lot of good ideas and you did a good job of using some broad themes ("What is intelligence?") to tie your experiences together. Now I'd like to see you just answer some of the questions above to think about the impact that your experiences have on the ways that you think, and expand your writing to include that. I also really enjoyed meeting you the other day! Please let me know if you have any questions, or would like me to look at any later drafts, etc.!
Talk to you soon!
Elissa
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Jonathon Neessen Knowledge is power, yet knowledge is a dead thing.(Why do you say that? Why do you think that knowledge is dead? What evidence do you have and why is it significant?) Yet power(I'm not entirely sure why you are mentioning power here. Can you connect the ideas of "knowledge" and "power" here so that it is a little more clear?) is not a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waining, constantly shifting. Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge. Lloyd Humphreys, Leading intelligence physiologist and creator of the Humphreys effect (what is Humphrey's Effect?) , states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills (I'm not sure if you are quoting a source here or not, but I wonder if you could simplify this definition a little because the reader gets lost in all of those steps?).
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll (CHC) theory is one of the most well known and influential theories (Who was it created by?), created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory(what are these theories, what do they state, and who created them? Why are they important for your definition?), and is regularly updated. CHC (It took me a second to realize that this was Cattel-Horn-Carroll; it would be more clear if you wrote CHC in parentheses when you originally mention the theory, like I added-just a tip for the future!) states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading & writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed. These categories are interconnected with the interconnected categories of social, theoretical, physical, and self intelligence.
- Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures.
- Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures.
- Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols.[6]
- Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills.
- Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.
- Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking.
- Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations.
- Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions.
- Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention. (“Cattell-Horn-Carroll theory.”) (I don't know what your teachers say about using Wikipedia, but I have generally been told to stay away from it in favor of sites that are a little more reliable. Also, I would be careful about copy-and-pasting directly from Wikipedia's site, even with the citation, especially because there are no quotations. I also think that since this is an essay, you could turn all of this into paragraph format to really explain it to your readers instead of just listing it)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships.Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers, and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person in which has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarialy use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists, mathematicians. physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand and the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs relate to this field, mechanist, athlete, doctor, pilot. An example of social and physical intelligence is an musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self intelligence is the ability to understand one’s self and to influence and control one’s self. Though not directly related to jobs, it is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control(how could this be related to a job?). Intelligence however is the broadest physiological idea, a fitting label to the thing that defines us with the rest of creation(I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to say here-are you saying that intelligence is what distinguishes humans from all other beings? I think that is an important and really interesting point, and I wonder if you could use it throughout your paper-i.e. maybe mentioning it in the beginning to give your paper a focus and show why you think intelligence is so important)“Cattell–Horn–Carroll theory.” Wikipedia.com. Wikipedia, n.d. Web. 1st february, 2012 (source, just in mla format.) http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/18022.php
http://www.sidis.net/Unconscious%20Intelligence.htm
http://www.vanderbilt.edu/Peabody/SMPY/HumphreysObit.pdf
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/pope/alexander/dunciad/complete.html
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/knowledge
I think you did a really thorough job of investigating a definition of intelligence. It's a really broad topic that is hard to define. What I'm really missing here is your voice. I want to know why intelligence really matters, why it is so debated, why you believe knowledge is dead? Who does all of this information really matter for? Why does knowing the Cattle-Horn-Carroll theory matter? I'm glad that you mentioned which jobs benefit from which types of intelligence. I think including some more examples and anecdotes like that would really help this paper to develop. I also wonder how you think you could use some of the information you found (i.e. the list in the middle of the essay) and make it more accessable to your readers? Thanks for all of your hard work, and let me know if you have any questions while you're editing! I'm happy to help if I can!
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Jonathon Neessen The statement knowledge is power is often used as an example and its fame is not unearned. Countries and corporations spend billions of dollars each year in information gathering, finding information known about by other organizations. Even more powerful is the information that has to be found (Why is this information more powerful? What makes it different than information we know without searching?), the clearest example is the industrialization that allowed Europe to control the world for a century(I'm glad you're giving me more examples like I asked. How do you feel this connects to the idea that knowledge is more powerful when "it has to be found"? Are there any examples from your life that you feel would connect to this idea?). Knowledge cannot move, change shape, replicate, or move in its own. Knowledge can only exist through a medium, existing in people’s minds and records, utterly helpless(How does this connect to your ending idea that intelligence distinguishes humans from all other species?). Yet power is never a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waining, constantly shifting. Then how is it possible to have a direct relationship between knowledge and power? Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge.
What then is intelligence? Lloyd Humphreys, leading intelligence physiologist, states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills(This seems like a lot of steps. Can you make it easier for your reader to understand?). Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world around them in a measured way and to change interactions. This ability allows for constant interaction with a person’s knowledge, allowing for the changes in power over time.
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll theory (CHC) is one of the most well known and influential theories concerning the theory of intelegence, created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory, and is regularly updated. CHC states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading & writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed. These categories are interconnected with the subjects of social, theoretical, physical, self intelligence, and subconscious.
The CHC theory is a very complex list dealing with almost every aspect of the human mind that is contained within 9 sections. Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures. Gc is often mistaken for overall intelligence by most people, referring to the stereotype of the “quiet bookworm” Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures. Often “thinking on your feet” involves this. Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols.[6] Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills. Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.(remember Dory from Nemo) Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking. Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations. Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions. Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention. (“Cattell-Horn-Carrol theory.”) (I'm glad that you added some examples for the types of intelligences. I'm still wondering how you can put these terms into your own words? You are giving me a lot of information. Why is it important to you? How have you seen these examples of intelligence in your daily life? Have you struggled with any of them? I know you site Wikipedia here. Do you think there is a better source to use to find this information? Do you think there is a better way to state it so that you are not copying the information into your essay?)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships.Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers, and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person in which has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists, mathematicians. physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand and the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs relate to this field, mechanist, athlete, doctor, pilot. An example of social and physical intelligence is an musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self intelligence is the ability to understand one’s self and to influence and control one’s self. Playing a critical role in competition and high stakes jobs such as actors, atheliets, security agents. it is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control(Have you ever had any first hand experiences with any of these types of intelligences or struggled with them? Do you think everyone has the same intelligences or are all of our intelligences different? Why would that be important?).
The subconscious is an often ignored part of the overall intelligence as it does not directly affect our actions, yet it is our hardware. Medical news states that the unconscious brain can detect something shown for a mere 33 milliseconds, which is .033 seconds, while we consciously notice it at 200 milliseconds. Our unconscious brain is over 6 times as fast at recognising basic stimuli. The unconscious brain is most notorious for it’s influence in dreams and “deja vu.” stated in Unconscious Intelligence (This is really interesting-something I had never realized. How does it add to your overall definition of intelligence?).There are many diverse categories of Intelligence however is the broadest physiological idea, a fitting label to the thing that defines us with the rest of creation.
“Cattell–Horn–Carroll theory.” Wikipedia.com. Wikipedia, n.d. Web. 1st february, 2012 http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/18022.php http://www.sidis.net/Unconscious%20Intelligence.htm http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/pope/alexander/dunciad/complete.html http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/31/health/psychology/31subl.html?pagewanted=all http://www.vanderbilt.edu/Peabody/SMPY/HumphreysObit.pdf http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/knowledge
Jonathon-
I can absolutely see a difference from your first draft to your second--you have done a lot of good work! As you continue to edit, try to think about which parts of intelligence are really the most important for your definition of intelligence. How can you make sure that all of that great information you give your readers is meaningful--not only for you but for them as well? I can see that you are giving more examples. I would love to see some examples from your life. How can you connect your definition of intelligence with the experiences you've had? Why does this idea of intelligence or this definition of intelligence matter for you? Where do your ideas about intelligence come from? Thank you for putting the list in your previous essay into a paragraph form. I'm wondering though if you can make sure that it is in your own words? I know you site Wikipedia, but it is not a direct quotation. How can you paraphrase the facts from your source so that they support your ideas instead of dominating them?
Overall good work-I can tell that you are working really hard!
As always, let me know how I can help you!
Elissa
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Jonathon Neessen
Intelligence, a catalyst
The statement knowledge is power is often used as an example and its fame is not unearned. Countries and corporations spend billions of dollars each year on information gathering, finding information known about by other organizations. Even more powerful is the information that has to be found; the clearest example is the industrialization that allowed Europe to control the world for a century. Found knowledge is that which you cannot base off of or steal to gain it; a whole new field is needed to be explored (How is "found knowledge" developed? Who is in this field?). A strong example of found knowledge is the Manhattan Project, in which the atom bomb was developed(When was a time that you had to find knowledge?). Strength (strength of what or who?) does not just mean overall power, things found can have much stronger personal impact. It is one thing to know that homelessness is prevalent in all societies, than another to see a tree with cloth over the opening, or see a glimpse of a shack in the woods under the highway. Knowledge cannot move, change shape, replicate, or move on its own. Knowledge can only exist through a medium, existing in people’s minds and records, utterly helpless. Yet power is never a constant, powers are constantly fluctuating, waxing and waning, constantly shifting. Then how is it possible to have a direct relationship between knowledge and power? Intelligence is the key to knowledge, it is the ability to retain, expand, and edit one’s knowledge. Then it is logical to have intelligence be the most researched and complex aspect of psychology, a fitting label to the thing that defines us from the rest of creation.
What then is intelligence? “(is this the start of the direct quote or is it after the word "states"? If so, you can move the opening quotations-thanks for adding that in, as well.)Lloyd Humphreys, leading intelligence physiologist, states that intelligence is the resultant of the process of acquiring, storing in memory, retrieving, combining, comparing, and using in new contexts information and conceptual skills”.(The in-text citation (Humphreys, 1979) would go after the end of the quote since it is a direct citation. In-text citations generally go at the end of the paragraph when you've used information from that source throughout the paragraph.) Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world around them in a measured way and to change interactions. This ability allows for constant interaction with a person’s knowledge, allowing for the changes in power over time. (Lubinski)(Humphreys, 1979)
The Cattel-Horn-Carroll Theory (CHC) is one of the most well-known and influential theories concerning the theory of intelligence. It was created by combining the Gf-Gc theory and the three stratum theory, and is regularly updated. CHC states that there are nine broad categories containing 90 subcategories. Crystallized intelligence, fluid intelligence, quantitative reasoning, reading and writing ability, short term memory, long-term storage and retrieval, visual processing, auditory processing, and processing speed are the categories in CHC and will be explained further in the next paragraph. These categories are interconnected with the subjects of social, theoretical, physical, and self-intelligence. (“Catell-Horn-Carrol Theory”)
“The CHC theory is a very complex list dealing with almost every aspect of the human mind that is contained within 9 sections. Crystallized Intelligence (Gc): includes the breadth and depth of a person's acquired knowledge, the ability to communicate one's knowledge, and the ability to reason using previously learned experiences or procedures.” Gc is often mistaken for overall intelligence by most people, referring to the stereotype of the “quiet bookworm.” “Fluid Intelligence (Gf): includes the broad ability to reason, form concepts, and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures.” Often “thinking on your feet” involves this. “Quantitative Reasoning (Gq): is the ability to comprehend quantitative concepts and relationships and to manipulate numerical symbols. Reading & Writing Ability (Grw): includes basic reading and writing skills.” Closely related to crystallized knowledge this plays a key role in developing fluid intelligence. This can play a key role, often labeling people and hiding their abilities. A classmate of mine often struggles with trigonometry,(is this part of the quote????<-- I'm not sure what you're referring to here?) yet she is fluent in 4 languages while I struggle with a second(GOOD! I'm so glad you're adding in some real-life application. Can you explore this scene a little more? What has this observation taught you about intelligence in general?). “Short-Term Memory (Gsm): is the ability to apprehend and hold information in immediate awareness and then use it within a few seconds.” A lack of this is usually found in characters use for comical effect, portraying them as quite stupid, while being very intelligent in other areas. “Long-Term Storage and Retrieval (Glr): is the ability to store information and fluently retrieve it later in the process of thinking. Visual Processing (Gv): is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns, including the ability to store and recall visual representations. Auditory Processing (Ga): is the ability to analyze, synthesize, and discriminate auditory stimuli, including the ability to process and discriminate speech sounds that may be presented under distorted conditions. Processing Speed (Gs): is the ability to perform automatic cognitive tasks, particularly when measured under pressure to maintain focused attention.” (“Cattell-Horn-Carrol theory.”)
Social intelligence is the ability to interact with other minds, being able to create, understand, and manipulate relationships. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are speakers and politicians. Theoretical intelligence is the ability to rationalize, explain, predict, and understand things the person who has had no direct personal experience and/or cannot physically interact with it. Examples of people who primarily use their social intelligence in work are those who are scientists and mathematicians. Physiologists, behaviorists, and sociologists are those who use both theoretical and social intelligence. Physical intelligence is the ability to understand the physical world through direct contact and manipulation. The majority of jobs related to this field are mechanics, athletes, doctors and pilots. An example of social and physical intelligence is a musician, while a physicist uses both physical and theoretical intelligence. Self-intelligence is the ability to understand oneself and to influence and control oneself. Playing a critical role in competition and high stakes are jobs such as actors, athletes, and security agents. It is a very important aspect in everyday life, influencing self control. Differences in intelligences stem from brain structure, environment, and aptitude for the different tasks.
Ultimately the direction an intelligence takes is ultimately up to the person themselves. Many argue that people are born to play certain roles, that they were born into certain fields. This, however, is not the case. People often derive enjoyment from what they excel in and this enjoyment encourages them to focus more and more attention on the areas they enjoy while gradually distancing themselves from areas in which they lack, forming specialists in their chosen areas. Trends such as this have often waylaid people who are not naturally good at activities they’re interested in, yet if continued they can grow and develop to be experts in those fields.
This information disproves the theory of static intelligence - those who believe that one’s intelligence is as set in stone as their gender. Static and fluid intelligences are not another form of classification but a person’s central belief about intelligence; whether it is a fixed trait like height or a skill that can grow or decline. Confusion between knowledge and intelligence is often fixed to this belief, but that is a topic for another paper.
The subconscious is an often ignored part of the overall intelligence as it does not directly affect our actions, yet it is our hardware. “Medical News” states that the unconscious brain can detect something shown for a mere 33 milliseconds, while we consciously notice it at 200 milliseconds. Our unconscious brain is over 6 times as fast at recognizing basic stimuli, therefore it plays a big role in initial observations and reactions, defining it as affecting input and responses, grouping it with intelligence. (Zipburn) The unconscious brain is most notorious for its influence in dreams and “deja vu.” Effects such as this expand on the potential individuals(adds to their ability? How?), silently connecting and cementing information, providing bursts of inspiration and genius(Have you ever experienced Deja vu? How was it shaped your understanding of intelligence? Has it impacted your understanding of your own intelligence? How?). (Benedict)
Intelligence is often described as a singular attribute, yet evidence has shown that that is not the case. Definitions by authorities and theories describe it as a complex and changing aspect of a person(What about your definitions? Have they been changed now that you've done the research?). Different groupings of the possible ways to use intelligence mesh with evidence that the subconscious can play an unsuspected role. Intelligence is not a singular attribute like eye or hair color, but a description of a significant portion of a person’s life.
Works cited
“Cattell–Horn–Carroll theory.” Wikipedia.com. Wikipedia, n.d. Web. 1st february, 2012
Zipburn, Karen. “Fleeting Images of Fearful Faces Reveal Neurocircuitry of Unconscious Anxiety” Medical News Today 18 Dec 2004. Web http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/18022.php
Sidis, William. Appendix IV, Symptomatology, Psychognosis, and Diagnosis of Psychopathic Diseases.Boston: Badger, 1914. Print http://www.sidis.net/Unconscious%20Intelligence.htm
Benedict, Cary. “Who’s Minding the Mind?” New York Times 31 July 2007. Web.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/31/health/psychology/31subl.html?pagewanted=all
Humphreys, L. G. (1979). "The construct of general intelligence". Intelligence3 (2): 105–120
Lubinski, David. “Obituary Loyd G. Humphreys: Quintessential Scientist (1913-2003) Science Direct NA September 2003: 221-226. Web
http://www.vanderbilt.edu/Peabody/SMPY/HumphreysObit.pdf
completed essay
Great Job, Jonathon.
It is obvious that you've done a lot of editing and work on this, and you have done a really really great job. (Go back and look at your first draft and compare it to this one, just for your own reference to see what a difference editing and revision makes. It's not that your first paper was bad by any means, but sometimes thinking about new things can really change the way the paper looks-you've done a good job refining and clarifying your original ideas). Thanks for adding in more examples as well. Like we talked about, I would still like to see some more personal life examples--even take a paragraph to tell a story. Was there a time in your life when you encountered the idea of intelligence and it was different than what you originally thought it was? How has that idea changed for you (if it has)? I also still think you could add a bit more of your ideas backed by your research instead of the research backed by your ideas. Question number one: What do you think intelligence is? Question number two: What have others thought about intelligence, and how does that fit with your definition? Either way you have done a really thorough job of researching this topic so great job.
Let me know as always about questions!
Elissa
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
My purpose of writing was to be able to emphasize my ideas on intelligence and compare them to societies definition. My intended audience was those who were questioning how intelligent they were, i adapted my writing to explain all of the different ways people are intelligent, and describe other circumstances. I personally struggled with this idea earler this year, so i decided to give it further thought by writing this essay. My writing emphasizes the different ways intelligence can be used and presented as well as how intelligence grows and can change. The researched definition tone was made to produce intelligent thought on the matter, relying solely on logos.
Jonathon,
I just wanted to let you know how impressed I have been with all of your work! You have done a great job, and your writing has already changed so much! I think it's great that you went after a topic that really interested you and presented it in such a thorough, well-rounded manner. It is clear that you worked really hard on this essay and all of the revision that you did, and you should be really proud of the work that you have done! I know that as you move forward you will continue to improve and expand on your writing. I can't wait to read what you write next.
Elissa
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
I’m writing both a short comparison and a short (I forgot what the english term for comparing 2 things that are completly diffrent) to decide which one i will want to focus on.
Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy// and//sygaldry// and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.
So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.
Luckily, there was an//Edema// boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.
” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “
“The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”
‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’
“Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.
” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “
Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.
The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.
” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge (Great idea--I definitely think there is a difference, and I think the story you chose illustrates that well, I'm looking forward to how you'll explain it further as I read). People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question.
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power. The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis(Is knowledge limited, or is it something that can expand? Why would it be important for one person to "tell" what another person's knowledge is?). In society people meet for different reasons, but often for only one or two areas of life. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge,
leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability(why is it important that the two main places we most often interact are in school or at work?). Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority(What types of knowledge are these? Why aren't they shown? What are they used for?).
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge (does intelligence ever work off knowledge? Does the intelligence of a person change based on their knowledge?) , but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life (Can you give me an example of the use of intelligence? That might help to further clarify what you're saying here, especially if you have an example from your own experience).
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival(can you be sure to define which one is which in your example? I know you said comparisons between these two are tough. I like that you have defined what each of your "terms" are, now can you try to find some similarities? You have highlighted some differences, but can you show us how the two are connected?).
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merly from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was mierly caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent?(Good-can you relate this more to real life? What lessons can we pull from this story? How should we view intelligence based on the moral from this story, and how should we view and/or treat other people based on the moral from this story?)
other essay
Fear, the most primal and shunned of emotions in American society, yet it is one of the emotions that can enact a powerful binds and restrictions on humanity, resembling heavy prison chains. Fear exerts many of the same influences and pressures that heavy chains, enacting the same responses from people when they are under chains and when they are released from such a pressure(I like this introduction, comparing fear to chains--I think it can show the physical feelings of fear as you mentioned. What else do you think it could be representative of? What happens to people when they live in fear? I'm not sure at this point, however what you are comparing? How can you make sure that what you will be comparing is clear in this first paragraph?).
Common fear, the kind we encounter often, be it arachnophobia, tight spaces, or heights(What are other kinds of fear? Why is common fear the most important?). When people encounter something they fear, the feel a sinking throughout their body, making them feel heavy, while at the same time their body jumps into overdrive, they tense, start sweating, and often freak out and use excessive energy in their movement. This sudden effect resembles the effect on a body when a heavy weight is placed upon it. The feeling of being wrapped among smothering coils often prompts the body to try and break free from the burden.
Avoidance of what scares people is a good policy on paper, yet in today’s society it often can be a major hindrance to life. As people avoid remembering a painful memory, avoiding someone in which a painful experience, or they avoid retraining, or more recently reapplying for a job(are these real life experiences? Can you give us a little more about them? How did you feel in the moment when you confronted--or avoided--that fear?). Time passes, yet the fear only increases, causing greater and greater problems in their life. NPR recently did a small segment on people, having been unemployed for so long, often fear gaining a job again because of a belief that their skills have deteriorated. Chains were designed to place around objects and tie them to nearby fixtures, making sure though strength that the object stayed there. Chains placed on living things for a significant amount of time slowly start effecting the human psyche, slowily draining them of all energy, slowly darkening their aspect on life(what do our metaphorical chains do to us?).
Time can also weaken fear, just as it can strengthen it, the world can wear down on it until it is broken, just like a rusted chain. One the supporting/straining force disappears, the object often slumps and falls down due to gravity, or suddenly bursts due to the loss of an opposing force. Humans and animals alike often reflect his behavior. Fear is a tool that has been used by and on humans since humanity discovered death, fittingly the tools of a chain and fear have often been used in conjunction.
Jonathon,
I think both of these essays have great starts!
For the first: I like your use of the story at the beginning, and I like that you connect back to it again at the end. How can you use it even more to get your point across? Can you expand on some of the morals it teaches to illustrate the differences (and similarities) between knowledge and intelligence? I also think you do a good job of explaining what knowledge and intelligence are. Can you "compare" them a little more now that you've defined them? How are they linked? What is similar about them? Why is it important that they are linked? How can you incorporate examples to show how the two are linked or how they operate on a daily basis?
I think you're off to a great start!
For the second: At first I wasn't completely clear what two things you were comparing. Can you make sure to be clear about what two things you're comparing? I think the idea of comparing fear to chains is really interesting, and you've done a good job exploring that. Try to dig deep about the suggestions of chains. What all can chains represent? Why would that be important when comparing them to fear? Are there several kinds of fear? Would it be beneficial to explore other types of fear and how they work in our society? You start to mention maybe a real-life experience. Can you expand on it? How did it affect you? How did you feel when confronted with fear? What are ways to overcome fear and break the chains?
Really, both of these are off to a great start! I like both ideas a lot, and I look forward to seeing which direction you decide to go!
Let me know how else I can help you!
Elissa
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy// and//sygaldry// and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.
So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.
Luckily, there was an//Edema// boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.
” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “
“The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”
‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’
“Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.
” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “
Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.
The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.
” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge (What sort of statement does the story make? Which kind of knowledge or intelligence does it value? What do you think about that?). People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question(how does it differ from person to person? What are some examples of differences in knowledge and intelligence in different people?).
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent(How does knowledge allow a person to "interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency"?). Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power(Can you make a connection here back to the story you started your essay with? How does the story demonstrate that knowledge is power?). The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others are those people didn’t necessarily chose to be with. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority(should we know a person's full knowledge or capability? Do you feel that it is a positive or negative thing that we only often see a small part of a person's knowledge? How does the fact that we only know a small portion of a person's knowledge affect the way we interact with each other?). These types of knowledge is something that is usually socially inappropriate or is not acceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts, these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public.
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life(How is intelligence used in the story at the beginning of the essay?). Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge, if two people are given a similar piece of information in which they had no prior knowledge about, the one with greater intelligence can glean more(knowledge?) from the information.
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival.(Can you make a clearer distinction in your example for which represents knowledge and which represents intelliegence?) The two are interconnected however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things.
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent (good!)?
The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and stupid(Is there a better word you could choose here?) at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The arcanist the clearly intellectual superior, drowns, leaving humanity of loosing a great intellectua(How else can you phrase this sentence? I'm having a little bit of trouble getting your meaning...) l. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity(Can we use intelligence to make a judgement or to value one man more highly than the other?). Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use(Do you have any reccomendations for these men so that they wouldn't just be "average"?).
The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meatorialogy to tell ether that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait.
The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself, and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman surivived, who was the more intelligent person?
(P.S.) the reason i chose the intelligence essay was simply that the fear issue was too broad and deep for my experience.
Jonathon,
Good job! You are doing some good work on investigating and comparing intelligence and knowledge. I like that you have added more explanation about the story that you have at the beginning-I think it is truly a great example for what you are discussing. Could you weave some of that investigation into your earlier paragraphs? You have started to ask some great questions (who was the more intelligent person?, etc.)-can you expand even further and give me some real-world application to the situation this story poses? What are some present-day situations where this occurs? Have you ever experienced something similar? What does it imply--can we make a judgment about who is more intelligent? Also, since this is still a comparison piece, and not a definition piece, how can you tie that back to the differences (or similarities) between knowledge and intelliegence? Do you think our society values one more highly than the other?
Let me know as always about any questions or other ways I can help!
Elissa
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Once there was a learned//arcanist//. He knew all of//sympathy// and//sygaldry// and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.
So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.
Luckily, there was an//Edema// boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.
” ‘What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “
“The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”
‘I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’
“Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.
” ‘Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “
Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.
The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.
” ‘But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “
(taken from The Wise Man’s fear by Patrick Routhifuss) (Jonathon--as you know I think this story is a great illustration of some of your central points. It is a little long though--I'm wondering if you can just use a portion of it? Pick out the most important points and edit the rest out?)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history(How about you--have you ever had or seen such an experience first hand? Can you describe it?), describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These often humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, in which the elite is completely clueless about. The cultural stereotyping used in the stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs knowledge . People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realising that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question however closely tied the attributes are.
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. This occurs by allowing the individual to rational gauge how his/her actions would effect their reality and choose the one they would prefer(I'm curious--what do you think makes knowledge exciting? Is it exciting to have knowledge or to find new knowledge? Why-or why not-? Can you tell us? You do a great job of outlining the basics of knowledge in a thorough manner, but why should we be passionate about it? Why should we care about knowledge or seek knowledge? And is that then different from intelligence? If so, how? What is exciting about intelligence? Why should we care about intelligence and the way it operates? Why should we care about the way knowledge and intelligence are similar or different or they way they interact?). Knowledge is in essence, the sum of all of the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement knowledge is power. Demonstrated by the aforementioned story, due to the boatman's knowledge of swimming, he was able to save his life, unlike the arcanist. The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others are those people didn’t necessarily chose to be with(Can a person gain knowledge from other people--even those, as you say, they don't necessarily choose to be with? Why is it important that we don't necessarily know all of the knowledge a person has, or that it is not presented in every situation, or that people spend a lot of time with others they don't choose to be with? Why did you choose to include this in your paper?). Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society, in school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes were the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or work where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize the person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge however are almost never shown to the majority. Thus a person's full potential is never seen. This is unfortunate in most cases as people are judged and valued by their talents by the majority of the populace(Is there anything that could be done to change this?). These types of knowledge is something that is usually socially inappropriate or is not acceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts, these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public.
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain the favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life(great! Thank you for giving us some info about their relationship!). Appearances can be deceiving, as throughout the bulk of the story the arcanist was believed to be vastly more intelligent yet the end left us questioning our decision. Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge, if two people are given a similar piece of information in which they had no prior knowledge about, the one with greater intelligence can glean more knowledge from the information as well as at a faster rate.
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult due to the close connections between the two, but use of examples help greatly and in this case, it will be the comparisons between a monkey and a computer. The computer with wi-fy has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy(why is it useless? Because no one is acting on that knowledge? Can you make it more clear which this is--knowledge or intelligence?). The ape however is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival. The computer has far more knowledge than a monkey could ever hope to gain, but the monkey can interact with the world, changing it's surroundings to survive. The two are interconnected however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things.
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question, who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the content. He spoke many languages, knew how to create of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph in any area, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent ? (What do you believe is the answer to this question? Why? Are you saying that it is better to be amongst the elite group? What is the story saying? How does this relate to knowledge versus intelligence?)
The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and yet unintelligent ( <--Why is this bolded?) at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The arcanist the clearly intellectual superior, drowns, having humanity loose a greater resource than a simple boatmanl. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity(Can we use intelligence to make a judgement or to value one man more highly than the other? I would like to talk to you about this. ). Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use(Do you have any reccomendations for these men so that they wouldn't just be "average"? What do you mean by this?--I mean that it seems to be a pity that they each live only in "average" intelligence. Is there a way for them to overcome their flaws or move beyond average intelligence or do you believe each person is only meant to have a certain amount or type of intelligence?).
The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meatorialogy to tell ether that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait(Again, since this is a comparison paper, how can you relate the story to the comparison you're making between intelligence and knowledge?).
The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself(Do we know this for sure? As you stated previously, in any given encounter we cannot show our full potential to another person, and often we cannot judge all of what a person knows (their knowledge). Do we know that the boatman was never educated or that he never tried to educate himself? Perhaps he was not educated in the traditional sense, but isn't that the point here--that education and knowledge comes in all shapes and sizes, even if one tends to be more favored by our society? What does that say about our society?), and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman surivived, who was the more intelligent person?
sites for use as information
http://sq.4mg.com/IQ-jobs.htm (note the link for the mean chart does not work.)
http://gocards44.wordpress.com/2006/08/26/the-difference-between-knowledge-intelligence/
http://www.jbhe.com/features/49_college_admissions-test.html
P.S. I wasn't able to work much on the essay this week so i regrettably have not intregraded my sources into my paper, or created a works cited for them yet. I already mentioned the possibility of meeting with you on Saturday, though it would be fine to meet later in the week, as my final hard copy is due Wendsday. Do you have a webcam that we could link and use to chat? Check the inbox messages!
Jonathon,
You've done a good job exploring knowledge and intelligence. As always, you are very thorough, and precise in all of the information you incorporate. I think you have done a good job in this paper of analyzing with the support of a source, instead of the other way around, which I know is something you have been working on--so great job. I would really like to know what excites you about this topic? Why are you passionate about knowledge and intelligence, and why should your audience be passionate about them? What is exciting about knowledge? Intelligence? About the two combined? What happens when someone makes a discovery? Is that knowledge and intelligence interacting? What is that moment like and what does it mean for the rest of humankind? Have you ever had one of those moments? When delving into the story make sure that you remember that this is a comparison paper. How does the story show the comparison of intelligence and knowledge or how the two interact? I'm also curious what you think about types of intelligence. Does the story say anywhere that the boatman is unintelligent? Does our society say that people like the boatman are unintelligent? Why? What does this say about our society and how can we change that view?
Just some things to consider!
Let me know about questions.....!
Elissa
Completed essay
Jonathon Neessen
Mr. Johnston
Ap Language and Composition
27, March 2012
Patrick Routhifuss in his book *The Name of the Wind*, has his main character (Kvothe) given a lecture from a master from the world renowned Arcanum.
*Once there was a learned* arcanist*. He knew all of*sympathy<http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Sympathy> *and* sygaldry <http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Sygaldry> *and alchemy. He had ten dozen names tucked neatly into his head, spoke eight languages, and had exemplary penmanship. Really, the only thing that kept him from being a master was poor timing and a certain lack of social grace.*
*So this fellow went chasing the wind for a while, hoping to find his fortune out in the wide world. And while he was on the road to Tinue, he came to a lake he needed to cross.*
*Luckily, there was *an Edema <http://kingkiller.wikia.com/wiki/Edema_Ruh> *boatman who offered to ferry him to the other side. The arcanist, seeing the trip would take several hours, tried to start a conversation.*
” ‘*What do you think’, he asked the boatman, ‘about Teccam’s theory of energy as an elemental substance rather than a material property?’ “*
“*The boatman replied he’d never thought on it at all. What’s more, he had no plans to.”*
‘*I never had what you might call an education, y’honor,’ the boatman said. ‘And I wouldn’t know this Teccam of yours if he showed up selling needles to m’wife.’*
“*Curious, the arcanist asked a few questions and the Edema admitted he didn’t know who Feltemi Reis was, or what a gearwin did. The arcanist continued for a long hour, first out of curiosity, then with dismay. The final straw came when he discovered the boatman couldn’t even read or write.*
” ‘*Really sir,’ the arcanist said, appalled. ‘It is every man’s duty to improve himself. A man without the benefits of education is hardly more than an animal.’ “*
*Well as you can guess, the conversation didn’t go very far after that. They rode for the next hour in a tense silence, but just as the far shore was coming into sight a storm blew up. Waves started to lash the little boat, making the timbers creak and groan.*
*The Edema took a hard look at the clouds and said, ‘It’ll be true bad in five minutes, then sommat worse afore it clears. This boat of mine won’t hold together through it all. We’re gonnta have to swim the last little bit.’ And with this the ferryman takes off his shirt and begins to tie it around his waist.*
” ‘*But I don’t know how to swim, ‘ says the arcanist.’ “* (Routhifuss)
Stories like this abound throughout man’s history, describing the interactions between the elite and the laborer. These humorous stories often describe the laborer gaining the upper hand through his knowledge of common day life, about which the elite is completely clueless. The cultural stereotyping used in such stories indirectly brings up the issue of intelligence vs. knowledge . People often directly correlate knowledge with intelligence without realizing that the relationship between the two attributes depends on the person in question,* *however closely tied the attributes are.
Knowledge is a central part of life, allowing individuals to interact with their surroundings with greater efficiency and to a greater extent. This occurs by allowing the individual to rationally gauge how his/her actions would affect their reality and choose the outcome they would prefer. Knowledge is, in essence, the sum of all the information known by a person, allowing them to make the best choice and actions depending on the circumstance. These traits of knowledge assert the statement ‘knowledge is power*.’ *Demonstrated in the aforementioned story, the boatman's knowledge of swimming saved his life, unlike the arcanist.
The amount of overall knowledge one has can often be quite difficult to tell as the majority of interactions with people are on a limited basis due to the density and fluidity of people in modern life. In society people meet for different reasons, but the majority of time spent in the company of others is of those people who don’t necessarily chose to be with. Examples of this abound in today’s population dense society. In school most people interact with each other in 1 or 2 classes where the subject is geared to a specific area of knowledge, or in the workplace where most jobs often encompass only a small section of overall knowledge. These interactions cannot show a person’s overall knowledge, leaving most people to exaggerate or under-emphasize a person’s ability. Certain types of knowledge, however, are almost never shown to the majority. Thus a person's full potential is never seen. This is unfortunate in most cases as people are judged and valued by their talents by the majority of the populace. These types of knowledge are something that is usually inappropriate or unacceptable in social settings. A very good example is those who have military training or those who do martial arts; these people rarely, if ever, use those skills in public.
Intelligence is the ability to interact with the world outside the mind in a measured way and to change those actions to obtain a favorable response. Intelligence is not directly related to knowledge, but it directly affects the speed and type of new knowledge that is gained throughout one’s life. Appearances can be deceiving, as throughout the bulk of the story the arcanist was believed to be vastly more intelligent, yet the end left us questioning our decision. Intelligence affects how quickly people absorb new knowledge. The one with greater intelligence can glean more* *knowledge from the information, as well as at a faster rate. Intelligence is measured differently according to different cultures, “Since intelligence is primarily defined as one’s capacity to grasp the truth of things… In a purely oral culture, intelligence is often associated with aphoristic ingenuity, that is, the power to invent compact sayings with wide applicability.” (Postman, 24-25)
Comparisons between intelligence and knowledge are often difficult to draw due to the close connections between the two, but the use of examples help greatly. The computer with wi-fi has vast stores of knowledge that can describe and explain almost the entirety of humanity, yet it is completely useless, it would simply be functional, doing nothing until it ran out of energy. The ape, however, is able to craft rough tools to aid in its survival. The computer has far more knowledge than a monkey could ever hope to gain, but the monkey can interact with the world, changing its surroundings to survive. The two are interconnected, however, as they directly influence one another. Without intelligence knowledge cannot be gained. If an audio book is played in front of a cow, the cow could not answer a single question relating to that book. Knowledge, however, is a key that can regulate how much new information is gained. If a 2nd grader with an above average intelligence and a 5th grader with barely below average intelligence both read a chapter from a history book, the 5th grader will learn more just because he has the vocabulary and history background needed, while the 2nd grader lacks those things. Intelligence if further defined by the society in which you live in.
The story between the arcanist and the boatman describes a misconception and offers a question: who was the more intelligent person? The arcanist could have been candidate for a position of master, one among a group of 7 of the most educated people on the continent. He spoke many languages, knew how to create some of the most advanced technological wonders of his age, and could control fundamental aspects of nature merely from a spoken word. The edema boatman probably started working as soon as he could walk, and was from the lowest class imaginable. It is reasonable to assume that in any reasonable setting the arcanist would easily triumph, yet the arcanist lacked a basic skill for his survival. Some would argue that this is unfair, that he was merely caught off guard. Yet the boatman survived while the arcanist most likely drowned. The arcanist obviously had more knowledge than the boatman, but was he more intelligent?
The arcanist and the boatman are both intelligent and yet unintelligent at the same time, highlighting differences by their actions. The clearly intellectual superior, drowns, having humanity lose a greater resource than a simple boatman. The boatman survives, but he simply goes back to his shack to build a new boat, having no great impact on humanity*. *Ironically both of the men lived in “average” intelligence, knowing what was necessary for their positions, yet ignorant of anything they were not directly use. Yet society can play a role in both of them, for the boatman chances for higher education is often dismissed and those in the lower classes are often ignored, as well as the extreme difficulty in education its self. (Seccome,1999)
The arcanist walked into danger he was aware of, yet for all of his intelligence, he most likely did not survive. The arcanist needed to cross a lake, yet he did not know how to swim, a key factor in the survival of those who travel on water. The arcanist was also not knowledgeable as he did not know enough carpentry and meteorology to tell either that the boat was unsafe or that a storm was coming and it would have been better for him to wait. Even If this man was extremely intelligent, his current actions would prove otherwise. Andrea Bennett would suggest otherwise; stating that high IQ a renowned indicator of intelligence, can play a crucial role in the usage of illegal drugs. This skews social values often stating that those who use drugs are “losers” that often end up wasting their lives. (Bennett)
The boatman, as the arcanist exclaimed, did not try to educate himself, and merely lived, ironically allowing him to survive the storm. The boatman, most likely born to a poor family, lived as an average peasant, just surviving and producing kids. Yet the boatman knew how to swim and could tell that the storm was going to be too much. The arcanist knew much more, but the boatman survived. In the words of Albert Einstein, one of the most celebrated geniuses of today, “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” Who was the more intelligent person?
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
I apologize about frogeting this, Since we didn't have to turn in our papers yet as well as having spring break i frogot about this.
My purpose in writing this comparison was to confront the relationship between knowledge and intelligence that society has portrayed. I accomplished this goal by providing evidence that interrupeded the relationship that most people think of as well as giving questions to disrupt their current thoughts(I agree that you did this, but can you give me specific examples from your writing? How can you show that you did what you say you did?). I did not write to a specific audience, rather i tend to write to the general populace(why? again, can you give me an example of how you do this?). The introduction using the short story was given to the audience to provide a general theme. The close relationship portrayed between a intelligence and knowledge is often incorrect, allowing for a comparion between the two to be relivent. I draw attention to my major points by making connections and giving examples to further extrapolate my point(here would also be a great place to give some examples of your work and examine why they work well). I did not make any effort to create a different persona or tone as i do not see the advantages of those actions in a... i just thought of something to add, i will use tone to portray diffrent personas to show the viewpoint of diffrent beliefs surrounding this topic(how will this enhance your paper? How do you think it will help a variety of audiences to undertand your point?).
You did a great job reflecting--I think it's great that your reflection lead you to some new ideas! Try to examine your own writing within your reflection as well--that will help you to see what you are doing and why you are doing it.
Good work!
Elissa
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
America Next?
The augment over intelligence has been around as long as mankind noticed that It was the only thing that truly thought(How can you begin this paper in a way that is a little more unique? I feel like all of your papers begin in a slight variation of this sentence How can you be more specific to what you will be talking about?). The discussion over what intelligence is and who has a greater grasp of hit has ranged from Greek philophosepers, Roman politicians and Lawyers, China’s Confucian scholars, and to Native American shamans(be careful about the term "shamans" is this a Native American term?). Each culture found an different model of what intelligence looks like, yet eventuaialy all of their models failed(how have their models failed? How are Confucian, Roman, and Greek ideas about intelligence still being used today?) , along with their civilization, yet each of them were correct in that their models were intelligent, yet they eventually failed. There have been many connections to past empires to our civilization today and signs of collapse have shown themselves over the years(such as what?) yet today the average layman seems to duck his head and trudge along(in what ways? In what aspects of society?), illustrating my point that our culture today seems to avoid lasting intelligence.
The development of specializations is not a knew phenomenon, yet the most sought after trades have always varied, and in this culture, the entertainment industry is the most sought-after by the majority of the population today’s teens(by the majority of the population or by the majority of today's teens?), and it is unfortunately understandable(do you have a source for this information? Who says that entertainment is most sought-after? What does it say about intelligence?). This bridge is quite useful in describing how the culture can ultimately effect the intelligence of it’s population. Most of those in their youth often spent as much time as possible on things they enjoy, and due to the large amount of free time often given to them they quickly waste it. Most people would consider waste, a harsh word as almost guys foolishly rembers with nostalgia the time they spent playing sports. They would adamantly argue that it increased their teamwork and social skills as well as improving their body. That can be critical if they plan on going into the military or construction, or some other hard physical labor, but increasingly the majority of people have migrated to desk jobs, where for the majority of the day little athletics are used(does this diminish the experiences they had in their past? I'm having a hard time seeing how this connects to your point about the entertainment industry or youth who "waste time". Is sports a waste of time?). Still, even though their cererir has faded, they still enthusiastically follow the activities, pouring far more energy into it than they show at work while at the same time persuading the younger generations to join in and use their youth into trying for stardom against astronomic odds. The entertainments are not entirely bad, as they allow use of intelligences not normally critical to the civilization(do you think that this is the whole of a person and their time? Entertainment or playing sports is usually considered a pasttime; do people who are intelligent watch sports games?).
Intelligence, as I have stated earlier is not something in which is directly connected to knowledge, but instead to the sum of the person. Yet people are skilled in vastly different areas leading to the theory of multiple intelligences. Different intelligences are very useful in different circumstances; it is the person's portrayal and involvement in those areas in which he would portray the most intelligence. To portray an example, a compound was used to decipher enemy codes and messages, and yet daily the scientists and physiologists scoffed at the uselessness of society, yet one day bombs started to fall, leaving the intellects quivering like a pile of chickens, leaving the soldiers to herd them to safety. This I admit is an exaggerated example, but it servers its purpose well. Both jobs were equally important, making changes for the future, the scientist though his discoveries and work, the soldier though those he saved and those he killed. The actions of the entertainer (excluding the athlete) seem quite frivolous in comparison, though they do have their place, but the equivalent ratio between entertainer and the rest of the populous is minuscule compared to the rest of the populace(it seems to me that your point in this paper is that the entertainment industry and sports are a waste of time and a drain on our intelligence. Is this what you feel you are trying to argue?).
Note that when I continually refer to culture, I refer to the “modern” loud, obnoxious culture(again, can you give me some sort of citation? Where does this information come from?) that the world takes to define the U.S. as well as your youth as they are what the U.S. will become. I don’t expect anyone to become an autatron, who only works, I understand that people need breaks and a relief, but to make that the focal point of someone’s life and dreams is just foolishness(I wonder if you could look at the culture of some other nations to compare? Do other countries focus on entertainment and pasttimes or do they only work? Which nations seem to be succeeding the most?). This foolishness describes the opposite of the growing U.S. in the 1700-1800s described in “Amusing Ourselves to Death” would not surprisingly end in an unraveling, of the country, following the path of so many before it.
Jonathon,
I think you definitely have a start on this paper. Go back and take a look at how you are constructing your argument, and what exactly you are trying to argue. You are clearly very passionate in that you feel we have a relatively lazy culture, but is that connected with intelligence? Are we a country who is unintelligent or do we just fail to use our intelligence in productive ways? Also, you have a lot of information in here that has no citation. Where are you getting your information from? Be sure that it is completely accurate--this will make your argument a lot stronger. Also take a look at your opening. How can you make it something a little more specific to this paper, and to you as a writer and as a thinker?
Great start! Let me know about any questions you may have!
Elissa
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
America Next?
The struggle for surivial leaves only the fittest, This allows the species to be build up. The same concept applies to nations themselves, but what happens to them when they reach the top? Naturaly, they often relax and enjoy their hard work. Luxury softtens, and softens, reversing the process, loosening the bonds that held together their strength, leading to decay(How does this relate to intelligence? I wonder if you can start right off with a statement about American culture and the way we devalue intelligence?). This decay is often impossible to see, yet like a decaying redwood, all appearances hold up, yet its strength is slowly decaying inside. The discussion over what intelligence is and who has a greater grasp of hit has ranged from Greek philosophers, Roman politicians and Lawyers, China’s Confucian scholars, and to tribal cheiftans. Each culture found an different model of what intelligence looks like, yet eventuality all of their models failed, gradually decaying, weakening the civilization. Eventually the pillars of their society became its weakness. They began to fall back onto their history, relying on what was in the past ignoring changes. They began to fall, along with their civilization, yet each of them were correct in that their models were intelligent, yet they eventually failed. There have been many connections to past empires to our civilization today and signs of collapse have shown themselves over the years. Problems have spread, from economic challenges, to global effects in policies, to a feeling of detachment from politics, something unthinkable in years past(how many year past? you don't need to give a specific number-but is it 5, or 50? Can you be a bit more specific in your claims?), yet today the average layman seems to duck his head and trudge along trying to ignore the problems, illustrating my point that our culture today seems to avoid lasting intelligence. The layman is actually quite smart, [normal having no serious mental disadvantages to those](I'm not sure I understand what you're saying in this clause, can you clarify?), it is more of that of routines that hinder him and weakens the structure he is apart of. These routines draws the layman into actions that are often detrimental, waiting his potential, the american revolution(I'm not sure I understand why you are utilizing the American Revolution here? It does not quite seem to fit with the rest of the argument thus far?) was able to change that, allowing those not normality in power to make changes and help the civilization adapt.
The development of specializations is not a new phenomenon, yet the most sought after trades have always varied, and in this culture, the entertainment industry is the most sought-after by the majority of today’s teens, and it is unfortunately understandable(do you have a source for this information? Who says that entertainment is most sought-after? What does it say about intelligence?). This bridge is quite useful in describing how the culture can ultimately effect the intelligence of it’s population. Most of those in their youth often spent as much time as possible on things they enjoy, and due to the large amount of free time often given to them they quickly waste it. Most people would consider waste, a harsh word as almost guys foolishly rembers with nostalgia the time they spent playing sports. They would adamantly argue that it increased their teamwork and social skills as well as improving their body. That can be critical if they plan on going into the military or construction, or some other hard physical labor, but increasingly the majority of people have migrated to desk jobs, where for the majority of the day little athletics are used, diminishing the value of the time spent in those activities. Still, even though their career has faded, they still enthusiastically follow the activities, pouring far more energy into it than they show at work while at the same time persuading the younger generations to join in and use their youth into trying for stardom against astronomic odds. This pattern can drain the energy of generations of a family and spend it into frivolous activities that have no impact on the future. The entertainments are not entirely bad, as they allow use of intelligences not normally critical to the civilization. I must emphasize again that pastimes and sports are not world ending, but a continued devotion to them can lead to ruin. To give a comparison, Taylor Wilson became obsessed after reading the Nuclear Scout, and subsequently was able to build a functioning nuclear reactor at age 14. (The Boy)(I'm not sure how this relates to the rest of your argument in this paragraph? I'm getting a little lost in this paragraph, to be honest. I agree that most people show more enthusiasm about their hobbies than about their work; how can we change that? Would the world--or our nation--be a different place if the opposite was true? Is it ok for people to have hobbies that they are passionate about?)
Intelligence, as I have stated earlier is not something in which is directly connected to knowledge, but instead to the sum of the person. Yet people are skilled in vastly different areas leading to the theory of multiple intelligences(Since you have not brought this up previously, it is probably helpful for some readers to give a short explanation of what that is-be sure to cite it!). Different intelligences are very useful in different circumstances; it is the person's portrayal and involvement in those areas in which he would portray the most intelligence. To portray an example, a compound was used to decipher enemy codes and messages, and yet daily the scientists and physiologists scoffed at the uselessness of society, yet one day bombs started to fall, leaving the intellects quivering like a pile of chickens, leaving the soldiers to herd them to safety. This I admit is an exaggerated example, but it servers its purpose well. Both jobs were equally important, making changes for the future, the scientist though his discoveries and work, the soldier though those he saved and those he killed. The actions of the entertainer (excluding the athlete) seem quite frivolous in comparison, though they do have their place, but the equivalent ratio between entertainer and the rest of the populous is minuscule compared to the rest of the populace(To play devil's advocate--I think many would disagree. While an athlete is not as "academic" in nature, isn't he still using one of the multiple intelligences? Is he not still contributing to society, perhaps by taking away the daily stresses and boredom of people who work more traditional office jobs?).
Note that when I continually refer to culture, I refer to the “modern” loud, obnoxious culture that the world takes to define the U.S. as well as your youth as they are what the U.S. will become(again, where does this come from? Your observation or research?). I don’t expect anyone to become an autatron, who only works, I understand that people need breaks and a relief, but to make that the focal point of someone’s life and dreams is just foolishness. This foolishness describes the opposite of the growing U.S. in the 1700-1800s described in “Amusing Ourselves to Death” (maybe you could cite this paper earlier? If you believe it has some good ideas, why not utlilize what it has to say to back your argument?)would not surprisingly end in an unraveling, of the country, following the path of so many before it.
"The Boy who played with nuclear fusion."http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-02/boy-who-played-fusion?cmp=fb
My apologies about this quite confusing paper, i will work on it over the weekend and try to clean and expand, i've symply been trying to bride the gap between what i already have in my paper and the point i have in mind which is that different intelligences abound, yet society and civilizations define what's important as well as what is truely needed.
Jonathon,
It's clear that you have made some changes in your second draft, so that's great. I'm still a little unclear in reading the paper where exactly you are hoping to go. (I know you say you're working on it this weekend, so I'm excited to see it!) You seem to have a lot of good ideas, you just need to figure out how to connect them and make sure you don't lose sight of the central idea of intelligence along the way! It may also be important in writing this to consider the opposite side--one that considers entertainment a productive part of our society. How can you take their point of view into consideration and then convince those people of your point? I look forward to meeting with you!Elissa
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Disclaimer: This continuation essay is not an attack and/or denouncement of Muslims but rather an investigation into the effects of a Muslim majority in a society(How can you address your position as an outsider--not someone who lives in a society where the dominant religion is Islam-- to these societies, since the dominant religion in our country is Christianity, and not Islam?).
Though the challenges of INTRO Though todays news casters find time to talk about everything from new medical tecnologies,the latest non fiction bestseller, how to make good holiday meals, paraides, weather, latest sports and celibrity news, i find that outside FRONTLINE religion is rarely the topic of the hour(why do you think that is? Is this the case in all countries? Right now you are talking about the United States, later you shift, make sure to stay consistent in which societies you discuss to make your argument consitent and stronger). This combined with the already of sparse information about the developing nations often leavs the dangers of a muslim majority in the dark to most people(I would be cautious about this sentence. To me, it seems like you are saying that it is dangerous to have a muslim majority in society, something that could be quite offensive. Is that what you are trying to say?).
Westernization and imperialism by the west has socialy placed them(who?) in the role of oppressors both worldwide and nationwide though the use of slavery(How has the west put the Middle East in the position of the Oppressors? I think some may argue that the west has oppressed Muslims in the Middle East and in our own country. Can you give some examples or a direct quote to make your argument stronger?), yet these comparitivly recent events have only hidden the past actions taken by Muslim governments. (voice of the martyrs magazine.)
Taken from International Religous Human Freedom Report 2010 published by the U.S. Goverment Beuro of democracy, human rights, and labor. "The criminal code makes spreading hatred, heresy, and blasphemy punishable by up to five years in prison. Although the law applies to all officially recognized religions, the few cases in which it has been enforced have almost always involved blasphemy and heresy against Islam.
During the Islamic fasting month of Ramadan, many local governments ordered either the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment establishments. Several regional governments issued circulars limiting the operating hours of night entertainment venues, cafes, and restaurants during the month of Ramadan. Some of the restaurants chose to close voluntarily while others, if not serving food acceptable to Muslims, remained open, often posting a sign that the business was not Muslim-owned.
Surabaya city government officials, social leaders, religious leaders, and business leaders signed a joint agreement not to operate nighttime entertainment during the fasting month. Similar regulations were applied in Jakarta and other parts of the country. Regional governments, city administrations, and hardline groups sometimes employed force in administering these regulations, although in many cases police prevented vigilante groups from taking action. There were 12 regencies and cities in East Java that issued a regulation/circular letter ordering the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment venues during Ramadan(can you say why you feel this is a problem? Are the communities in which these businesses are located predominantly Muslim? If so, why do you feel the governments would take this action? How do you feel it compares with our government closing schools and businesses on Christmas and Easter when not everyone in this country celebrates those holidays?).
Between June and December 2009, local authorities prohibited the Baptist Christian Church of Jakarta in Tangerang, Banten, from conducting Sunday services on their property. This was allegedly in response to pressure from radical groups.
In June 2009 the Batak Christian Protestant Church (HKBP) in Jakabaring, Palembang, South Sumatra, was forced by local authorities to cease services. The Islamic Belivers Forum (FUI) claimed that the surrounding communities, FKUB(What is the FKUB?), and local government never gave the church permission for construction. The planned location for the church was in the center of a Muslim-majority community, and church officials continued in their application with the local government to obtain a construction permit." "Indonesia"
U.S. Department of State. Bureau of democracy, human rights, and labor. 17 November, 2010. Web. 19 April 2012. http://www.state.gov/j/drl/rls/irf/2010/148869.htm
Modern day problems with Islamic governments. The revolution in Egypt and the start of the Arab Spring is shown that through the vast majority of Muslims an increasing danger has been placed on the minorities including the national Coptic Christians(what are Coptic Christians? All of your readers might not know). This increasing trend in revolting nations against their authorian leaders are beginning to follow Iran's footsteps to an Islamic government.
review of relationships http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2010/11/05/a-review-of-christian-muslim-conflict-and-a-modest-proposal-to-counter-it/
Interesting website http://www.persecution.org/2012/04/05/christian-boy-given-jail-term-for-insulting-islam-in-egypt/
The west and in turn Christianity are attacked for their invovlemnt in impearlism and slavery. Those europeans and americans who did take part in the atrocities of (use of both online sources and an AP world textbook)
My apologies for not finishing, for some schedualing mishaps i will not have to turn in the paper untill next friday so if it is fine with you i will use another copy
http://www.americanthinker.com/2005/08/top_ten_reasons_why_sharia_is.html
Jonathon,
Thanks for letting me know about the draft. You are obviously very passionate about this topic, which is good and you have a nice start. I would double check with your teacher to be sure--should this be related to your topic of intelligence? If so, how could you bring that into this argument? As you continue, make sure that you examine all sides of your argument (look at the questions I've put within the text)--how would different readers feel about this subject? Maybe take a look at how different societies view or treat Islam within their culture and how the dominant religion effects that?
Definitely let me know about any questions you have!
Elissa
Second draft, i have some sentences that are the start of a paragraph but i stoped midway.
Disclaimer: This continuation essay is not an attack and/or denouncement of Muslims but rather an investigation into the effects of a Muslim majority in a society.
Living in a westernized natin 75% Though todays news casters find time to talk about everything from new medical tecnologies,the latest non fiction bestseller, how to make good holiday meals, paraides, weather, latest sports and celibrity news, i find that outside FRONTLINE religion is rarely the topic of the hour(why do you think that might be?). This combined with the already of sparse information about the developing nations(Who views them as developing--Western nations or themselves--or both?) often leavs the dangers of a muslim majority in the dark to most people.
Living in America, the use of human rights and politically correct actions has become widespread and thought of playing the "race" card has allowed minorities to gain semi equal footing in our society, and can easily play defensive, yet where Muslim majorities are, they are not hesitant to use force(Do you think this is a reflection of religion or culture? Do you think this is a reflection of an entire society or a small segment of society who has gained and retained power?). The understandable outrage over the Florida buring of the qurians sparked international outrage, yet no news outburst followed the scheduled execution of Youcef Nadarkhani in Iran for lawfully forbidding the teaching of the quran to his boys and his arrest for apostasy to Muslims. While they moved the execution back one year, they are continuing efforts to forcefully convert him to islam. (Iranian.)
Though Nations with western style laws and government have been stable, instability has often led to disaster to the liberals who themselves wanted reform. The revolution in Iran placed an ayatollah(what is an ayatollah?) in power, and his interpretations of the quran became law, His actions led and dismissed democracy, religious tolerance, and human rights while trying to restore "political-religous" harmony which gave the clergy political power(Frost) (compare to catholics/popes)(how does this compare to the Catholics and Popes?) (diffrentiate between goverments, shiite/suni warfare, how any majority brings problems.
Westernization and imperialism by the west has socially placed them in the role of oppressors both worldwide and nationwide though the use of slavery, yet these comparatively recent events have only hidden the past actions taken by Muslim societies back through the middle ages. The use of slavery in africa was long used, but due to community/tribal ownership they became rather a part of the society rather than just property. (Slavery) The expansion of the islamic empire soon brought the entirety of north Africa under it's control. Through the fall of the Umayyad to the Abbasid empire the use of slavery became more rampant as increasingly luxurious harems of slave women and the primary military powers being slave armies and of one incident one caliph (what is a caliph?)recruited a slave force of 70,000. (Stearns 166) "(What about those in the West--have we not used slavery? How is this different?---I just want you to look at the other side of the argument, what some one might say or ask when reading your paper)
The African slave trade as such, the black traffic, was an Arab invention, developed by traders with the enthusiastic collaboration of black African ones, institutionalized with the most unrelenting brutality, centuries before the white man appeared on the African continent, and continuing long after the slave market in North America was finally crushed" (Huges)
Some would argue that the common them encoes of the supression of rights and freedoms with an increasing trend of social control(problems?) results not from the impact islam has had on the society, rather the overall situations of being a 3rd world country rather than any specific religous problem-(good acknowledging the other side!).
Taken from International Religous Human Freedom Report 2010 published by the U.S. Goverment Beuro of democracy, human rights, and labor. "The criminal code makes spreading hatred, heresy, and blasphemy punishable by up to five years in prison. Although the law applies to all officially recognized religions, the few cases in which it has been enforced have almost always involved blasphemy and heresy against Islam.
During the Islamic fasting month of Ramadan, many local governments ordered either the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment establishments. Several regional governments issued circulars limiting the operating hours of night entertainment venues, cafes, and restaurants during the month of Ramadan. Some of the restaurants chose to close voluntarily while others, if not serving food acceptable to Muslims, remained open, often posting a sign that the business was not Muslim-owned.
Surabaya city government officials, social leaders, religious leaders, and business leaders signed a joint agreement not to operate nighttime entertainment during the fasting month. Similar regulations were applied in Jakarta and other parts of the country. Regional governments, city administrations, and hardline groups sometimes employed force in administering these regulations, although in many cases police prevented vigilante groups from taking action. There were 12 regencies and cities in East Java that issued a regulation/circular letter ordering the closure or a reduction in operating hours of various entertainment venues during Ramadan." This differs between western cultures in that closures of businesses during the holidays are often enacted due to wide spread employee support and lack of customers during those days rather than forced closure by the government(Thanks for clearing this up; is it a fact from somewhere?).
"Between June and December 2009, local authorities prohibited the Baptist Christian Church of Jakarta in Tangerang, Banten, from conducting Sunday services on their property. This was allegedly in response to pressure from radical groups.
In June 2009 the Batak Christian Protestant Church (HKBP) in Jakabaring, Palembang, South Sumatra, was forced by local authorities to cease services. The Islamic Belivers Forum (FUI) claimed that the surrounding communities, FKUB, and local government never gave the church permission for construction. The planned location for the church was in the center of a Muslim-majority community, and church officials continued in their application with the local government to obtain a construction permit." Indonesia is the 4th largest nation in the world with religions: Muslim, Protestant, Roman Catholic, Hindu, and Buddhis with the majority being 86% muslim. (Indonesia Facts)
(Is this where you stopped? It seems like you have the starts of major points here but did not finish them)Modern day problems with Islamic governments. The revolution in Egypt and the start of the Arab Spring is shown that through the vast majority of Muslims an increasing danger has been placed on the minorities including the national Coptic Christians. This increasing trend in revolting nations against their authorian leaders are beginning to follow Iran's footsteps to an Islamic government.
review of relationships http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2010/11/05/a-review-of-christian-muslim-conflict-and-a-modest-proposal-to-counter-it/
Interesting website http://www.persecution.org/2012/04/05/christian-boy-given-jail-term-for-insulting-islam-in-egypt/
http://www.americanthinker.com/2005/08/top_ten_reasons_why_sharia_is.html
Stearns, Michael Adas, Stuart B. Schwarz, and Marc Jason Gilbert.
World Civilizations The Global Experience. Pearson Education, Inc. NJ. 2011. Print.
Huges, Robert. "The Fraying of America."
Time 3 Febuary, 1992. Web
"Indonesia Facts."
National Geographic. National Geographic. n.d. web. 25 April, 2012
"Slavery in Africa prior to Europeans." n.p. n.d. web. 25 April, 2012
"Iranian Government Delays Pastor's Death for One Year Hoping Media Will Forget."
Tecnocrati.
"Indonesia"
U.S. Department of State. Bureau of democracy, human rights, and labor. 17 November, 2010. Web. 19 April 2012. http://www.state.gov/j/drl/rls/irf/2010/148869.htm
Frost, J. William.
A HIstory of Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddist, and Muslim Perspectives on War and Peace Volume II: A Century of Wars.// Lewiston: Edwin Mellen Press, 2004. Print
Jonathon,
This is definitely more developed and you have done a good job in utilizing a lot of sources in developing your argument. You have started to acknowledge the "other side" of the argument which is great, but I would like to see you do that even more. Since this is a really touch-y topic, you have to consider what someone who would disagree with your argument would say to each of your point in reading this and try to respond to that or prepare for it in your writing to make it an even stronger essay. I think you have a great start, just be sure you're not blaming a religion for a culture, or even a culture or a religion for a small segment of people who have gained and retained power. It also may be useful for you to think about how your own culture affects how you view an Islamic country (and this is really a hard topic--very advanced that you have picked!) but how does our media and our government affect the way we see a country like Iran or Iraq? How do our schools and our families or even our own places of worship affect how we view these countries? Of course we believe that our own government and our own way of life is the best and I'm not going to say that everything is wonderful in some of these countries you've mentioned, but just try to think about the fact that we may view things a little differently than the people who live their do becuase our culture is not the same.
As always, please let me know if you have questions, I realize I kind of threw a lot at you there!
Elissa
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
(apologies for blue, i dont see the color text option)
My purpose of my argument was to show the disadvantages a nation receives from having a large Muslim population, something that is rarely even thought of in a rational light. I tried to meet this purpose by evidence(can you give me an example from your own writing?) and trying to avoid an emotional approach, something that would be mistaken for xenophobia.
My intended audeince was for the majority of the society, those who would be against my argument and those who would rather duck their heads and run(why is this important?).
My family perscribes to a magazine that details monthly different persecutions that Christians face, i became continualy annoyed at how unknowing everyone else was and how much lack of information there was in public, while all we heard about is the terrorist abroad and the defensive Muslims in our communities.
My key part of my writing is to draw the comparison between a Muslim dominant 3rd world country and a 3rd world christian country, i use other examples to illustrate the history and trends of Muslim society to further draw light on them(It would be great if you could give some examples from your essay here, as well).
I tried to create as much of a neutral personality as possible considering the policy. Due to the sensitive topic, any overt hostility would quickly repel readers.
This is a good reflection, Jonathon, I think the only thing that realy can make it stronger is making sure that when you talk about your own writing, you quote it. Show me the exact instance you are referring to in your writing! Additionally, tell us exactly why your essay is important--why these issues and conversations are necessary.
Good work,
Elissa